Green Pastures
by dabbling
Summary: Troubles and trials. Bobby & Alex working through the toughest year of their marriage. Part of my Legacy AU; B/A and M/C. The kids are little, and Captain Ross never died.
1. Chapter 1

Green Pastures

Katie's hippo was jerking wildly, gathering up all the marbles. Bobby didn't prefer this kind of game, but it was Katie's choice, and she was in an aggressive mood. They finished, and it was obvious that she'd won.

"I beat you, I beat you, Daddy!" She squealed happily, and did a victory dance around the coffee table.

He smiled at her ebullience. "Yeah, you got me this time, sweetheart!" He reached for the box. "Let's get this put away. Your Mom will be coming home soon."

He held the box while she slipped the game inside, and then she put the lid on it. His phone rang, and he picked it up. "Goren."

Katie picked up on his stress level right away. She stood very still and watched as his face paled. She watched as he turned and went into the kitchen lowering his voice to a murmur.

When he returned, his face was drawn with worry. "Katie, honey, I need you to get your shoes on."

"Why, Daddy?"

"Y-you're going to Uncle Mike's."

* * *

He felt like he was in a fog. When he'd had Katie with him, at least he felt like things were real. He knew she was real. Now, alone, in the waiting room, everything seemed like a bad dream. He paced and tried to remember the last thing he'd said to his wife this morning.

Things hadn't been so terrific lately. In their time together, he'd been very self-absorbed, trying to keep his mind occupied. There was only so much of children's literature and educational tv and simple games that a person could stand, after all.

Alex, four months a Captain, had been working longer hours, and he'd been taking up the slack with their daughter. He loved his girls, both of them, but after work he spent most of his time meeting Katie's needs, and when Alex got home needing him too, he just didn't have any more to give.

He'd been locking himself away in the study.

This morning… he couldn't even remember this morning. She'd come back from her run… she hadn't been her usual self. Why hadn't he seen it?

Bobby closed his eyes and rubbed them, silently berating himself.

She'd poured her coffee and said something about school starting in a couple of weeks. He'd snapped at her about that. He knew when school was starting. And Alex… there'd been a look of pain on her face, and he'd thought it was from his behavior. And he'd been happy that he'd made his point.

Again, he rubbed his eyes and tried to pace away the nauseous feeling in his gut.

She'd kissed him on the cheek and gone out. That was it. No sweet words, not even a "see you later." And he hadn't said a word to her, not even "have a good day."

Bobby's cell rang. It was Carolyn. "Hi," he said, his voice like gravel.

"Any word?" Carolyn asked.

"She's in surgery. She's still in surgery."

She paused a moment, probably unsure the right thing to say. "Uh, Katie wanted to say good night."

"Okay."

"Hi Daddy!"

"Hi, Sweetie."

"Is Mommy okay?"

"The doctors… are helping her, honey."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Not yet. She's… uhm… she's asleep right now, Katie."

"Oh. Okay. Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

It took everything in him not to cry. "I love you too, Baby," he whispered.

"Aunt Carolyn says I get to sleep over!"

"That's right," he said, regaining his composure. "You get to sleep over with Andy."

"Night-night, Daddy. Kiss Mommy for me."

"I will, Baby. Night-night." He almost forgot, and called to her urgently, "Katie?!"

"Yes, Daddy."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Night-night."

He heard the phone shift hands, and then Carolyn's soft voice. "You okay?" she asked him.

"No."

"Bobby, if you need anything, if there's anything else we can do, just call. No matter the time."

"I know. I will. Thanks." He hung up the phone and sat down wearily.

* * *

She'd come through the surgery and was lying quite still in the bed, sleeping off the rest of the anesthesia. Infection was the fear, now. They always tried to catch appendicitis early; a rupture created a whole host of problems. For a split second he was angry with her. Why hadn't she told him she was in pain?! Stubbornness. Alex and her damn stubbornness.

As quickly as the anger came, it was replaced by guilt. For all he knew, she had tried to tell him, and he was too wrapped up in himself to listen.

"I'm sorry, Alex," he whispered for the eleventh time, and smoothed back her hair with his hand.

* * *

Her waking should have made him happy, but the glimmer of love in her eyes only served to amplify his guilt. She didn't even try to talk to him; she must have felt terrible. Instead, she looked intently at him and squeezed his hand until she fell asleep again.

Bobby kept one hand in hers and held the other over his mouth. Was it possible she hadn't noticed what an ass he'd been?

A knock at the door drew his attention. It was Liz, Alex's sister. She came in, smiled an encouraging smile, and gave him a hug. "She looks good, doesn't she?" Liz asked.

Good? To Bobby, Alex looked… fragile.

Liz continued prodding him. "The doctors said the surgery went well?"

"They're worried about infection," he said quietly, though he found himself nodding in answer to her question.

"She'll be fine, Bobby. She's tough. She's a fighter."

He looked at her in confusion. How could she be so positive at a time like this?

She touched her hand to his cheek. "Why don't you go for a walk… maybe call Katie? I'll sit here with Alex."

Indecision reigned for a moment, and he shuffled his weight from one foot to the other. "Uh… yeah… okay…" he leaned over and kissed her forehead, whispering "I love you," for only her to hear. Then he walked out of the room, his steps unsure and his shoulders drooping.

After a stop in the men's room, he found himself at a cafeteria table, staring at a Styrofoam cup full of oatmeal. He'd eaten a few bites before he realized it had no taste whatsoever. Bobby shoved it away and wrapped his hands around his coffee.

The coffee had that faint brown sugar taste that was a sure sign it had been overcooked. His expression soured, but he took another drink. He wondered how Liz had managed to break away, to make time for her sister.

Alex's father had been declining fast. They'd moved him to a nursing home a few weeks ago, but the family still felt obliged to spend a lot of time with him as he made the transition. He and Alex had gone just last Sunday with Katie, and the old man had been grumpy and depressed. Katie had drawn a smile from him, the only one of the day.

And Liz's son was in driver's ed now. He, in asserting his independence, was demanding more time of his parents than he knew. They had to watch him like a hawk. Nathan was so impulsive. Without their constant vigil, covert though it was, he'd be out the window on a joyride with his friends in a minute.

Alex needed her, and so she was here. He felt more affection for Liz right now than he ever had. Her words replayed in his mind. _Maybe call Katie?_ Yes. Thank you, Liz, I'll do just that.

* * *

"Hi, Baby."

"Hi Daddy! How's Mommy?"

"She's very sick, honey. The doctors did an operation, and she's resting now."

"Is she going to throw up?"

He smiled. "I don't think so."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Not yet, Sweetie. She's still sleeping a lot."

"Will you give her a kiss and a hug from me?" He heard a voice behind her. "And from Andy, too? He loves Momma, too."

"I will. You tell Andy I will."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Baby?"

"I'm hugging the phone right now, cuz I can't hug you."

He smiled in spite of himself. "Thank you, Darlin'. I'm hugging you back."

"Will you come have dinner with us tonight?"

"N-no. I'm going to stay with Mommy."

"Okay, Daddy."

* * *

The nurses had been taking as much care of Bobby as of his wife. "You really should go home, get some rest. We'll take good care of her," nurse Sheila said.

He rubbed his eyes, yawned. "I know, but…"

"Mr. Goren. If you don't rest, you're going to end up in the hospital yourself. And then how will you help her? Or that little girl you're always talking about?"

He rubbed his eyes again, and knew he would do as she said. It was easier, being told what to do. Decisions were impossible to make.

"Do you need to call somebody for a ride?"

"No. I'll take the subway. It's just a straight shot."

"We'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Goren. You can call the desk if you want to check on her."

"Uh… okay." He told Alex he loved her and gave her a kiss and walked out the door.

* * *

The apartment was hollow, and cold. He was surrounded by the life they'd shared together, but there was no comfort there. Alex and Katie were his only comfort, the only life to be found in this place. Without them, it was nothing more than a box… storage for lifeless things.

His thoughts swirled, but exhaustion finally won out and he slept until morning. He was awakened by the phone. Goren," he said without checking the display.

"Bobby, how ya doing?" It was Logan.

He sat up and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes. "I… uh… I just woke up."

"Good, you got some sleep."

"I… the nurse told me to come home."

"You're at your place? Good."

"I should, uh… I should get back over there."

"Take some time, Bobby. Take a shower first. I'll bring Katie over. She could use a good dose of her Daddy right now."

"N-no, Mike. I… I don't think I'm up for that."

"Bobby…"

"I'll just talk to her on the phone. I really want to get back to Alex."

"Right. You got it. Whatever you say, Buddy." He called for Katie, who scampered to the phone.

"Hi Daddy!"

"Hi."

"Uncle Mike's gonna take us to the jumpy-place!"

"Oh he is? That sounds like a lot of fun."

"And Andy's gonna show me how he does a flip in the big one."

"You be careful," Bobby warned. "Andy's kind of a daredevil, you know."

"What's that?"

"Uh… someone who likes to… to do dangerous things."

"Like you?"

"Me? No! Why would you think I'm a daredevil?"

"You told me your job's dangerous."

"That's different."

"But you like to do your job."

"Yes, I do. Honey, can we talk about it later? I love you. Have fun with Uncle Mike."

"I will, Daddy. Kiss Mommy for me!"

"Okay, Baby."

Mike got back on the phone. "What was all that about?"

"The word daredevil. And no, I don't think I can explain it to you, either, Logan."

Mike grinned. Bobby sounded more like himself. "We'll call you later. Give our love to Alex."

"Yeah, I will."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

She'd started running a fever in the night, and though she had some periods of wakefulness today, she was not doing well. Bobby was overly aggressive with his questioning of the staff, and he was starting to scare them away. Their visits to Alex's room were certainly more on an as-needed basis.

He rubbed his hand over his face and answered the phone without looking. "Goren."

Chief Moran had never warmed up to Bobby, in all these years. He was quite fond of Alex, and had even encouraged some of the other Captains to nudge her towards her new position. "Do I need to place a temporary?" he asked, with all the tact of an ape.

"Yeah, and if things don't improve maybe a permanent, you son of a bitch!" Bobby hung up the phone and paced the perimeter of the room, trying to get his blood pressure down. His phone rang again almost immediately. He looked at the display. This time, it was his Captain.

"Goren."

"How is she, Bobby?" Certainly, the Chief had called Captain Ross. "Did something happen?"

Bobby knew Ross' concern was sincere. He curtly summarized the current state of Alex's health.

"Settle down, Goren. She's in good hands there."

"They didn't get it all the first time. They may have to operate again."

"That's common with a burst appendix. They'll take care of her, Bobby. You have to believe that."

Bobby nodded, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"Are you still pacing?" Ross asked him. After all these years, the man had gotten to know him well.

"N-no, sir."

"You went too far with the Chief, Bobby."

Goren groaned. For his wife's sake, he tried to be on his best behavior whenever he spoke to Moran. Ross was right. He'd blown it.

"I'll smooth it over," Ross said. "He can't fault you for being upset about Alex." Still, Bobby remained silent. "Goren?"

"Yes, Captain."

"You keep me posted."

"Yeah. Okay." The line went dead and Bobby jammed the phone back into his pocket. He looked over at Alex, whose fingers were starting to move back and forth against the sheet.

"Alex, honey?"

She opened glassy eyes and stared at him. "Hi," she said weakly.

Bobby managed a half-smile just for her. He picked up her hand in both of his. "Katie said to give you this," he said quietly. Then he bent over and kissed her cheek.

Alex almost smiled, but she closed her eyes instead.

* * *

Andy was sitting on the floor crying like it was the end of the world. "What happened?" Mike asked. Katie ignored him and continued playing with the little spaceship in her hand.

When Andy could manage it, he said, "She pushed me!"

Mike turned to Katie. "Did you push him?"

"It was a accident," she said. "I told him sorry."

"And she took my toy!"

Mike turned and stared at Katie, who lowered her eyes.

"Katie," he said in a warning tone.

She held out the toy for Andy, who magically stopped crying and ran to the other side of the room to play with it.

"Katie, come here," Mike said, sitting down on the chair. Reluctantly, she came close and he pulled her gently into his lap. "If you want a toy, what should you do?"

She shrugged.

"Couldn't you just ask for it nicely?"

"I did ask for it and he said 'no!'"

"Well," Mike said, trying to think of a good way to handle it. "Maybe you could have come and got me? Instead of pushing him?"

"Okay," she said, without the slightest hint that she intended to try something different next time.

"Katie." He waited and she finally looked him in the eye. "I don't want you or Andy to get hurt. No pushing. Do you need a time out?"

She shook her head.

"Fine. Next time, use words and come get me. No pushing."

"Yes sir, Uncle Mike. Can I go play now?"

"No."

She looked worried.

He smiled. "Not until you give me a hug."

Smiling, she threw her arms around his neck. As he put her on the floor, his phone rang. "Hey," Mike said.

"Hi honey. Any word from Bobby?"

"Not since lunch time. He was really worried, Carolyn."

"I'm worried, too. Look, Mike, I'm almost done for the day. I'm going over there. You okay with the kids?"

"We're fine."

"I love you."

"Love you too." He hung up, and called to the children. "Who wants to help make macaroni?"

* * *

"Bobby?" He was wandering up and down the hallway, and he didn't seem to hear her. Carolyn caught up to him and touched his elbow. "Bobby?"

Her touch brought him out of the fog he was in. "Th-they took her… back to surgery."

"Oh, God," Carolyn whispered, and raised her hand to her mouth in worry. "How long?"

"Uh… I don't know… maybe fifteen minutes ago?"

"C'mon, Bobby, we're going over to the waiting room." She put her arm around him and walked him down the hall. When she got him to the waiting room, she called Mike. Carolyn walked across the room and spoke quietly so as not to upset Bobby. When she returned, she sat down beside him and held onto his arm. "Bobby, have you eaten anything today?"

"I… uh… yeah, I had some French fries at lunch…"

"Do you have your phone?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Let me see it." Bobby pulled it out of his pocket and gave it to her. She looked up the number and walked away, holding the phone to her ear while she waited. "Hi, Lewis?"

* * *

Lewis arrived twenty minutes later with a sack in one hand and a large soft drink in the other. He looked to Carolyn, who simply said, "We still haven't heard anything."

Lewis put the food on a table near the chair Bobby was in. He grabbed Bobby by the shoulder and shook him. "How you doing, Guy?"

Bobby looked around the room. "Okay, I guess."

Lewis handed Bobby the drink and then opened the bag. "There's some chicken fingers in here, and sweet potato fries. I know you like those."

"I'm not hungry, Lewis."

"Eat it anyway." Lewis stared him down, and Bobby obediently ate some of the food, thinking with each swallow that it might come back up.

"Daddy!" Katie ran to her father and jumped into his arms. Mike walked in, holding Andy.

"Honey, what-?" He looked at Mike in alarm.

"She can be in the waiting room, it's allowed," he said, and Carolyn gave him an approving nod.

Bobby closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his daughter. "Daddy?!" she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder. "Daddy, you're squishing me!"

He loosed his arms and she sat back. There were tears in Bobby's eyes. She held her hand against his whiskers. "You're sad, Daddy."

He was immensely sad, but Katie had made him feel better. "I just missed you so much, Katie," he said. Bobby kissed her on her head. She snuggled against his chest, and he looked over her at Mike. "Hi, Andy," he said quietly.

"Hi Uncle Bobby." Andy must have sensed that there was something very serious going on. His voice was very quiet, and he clung to his father, even when his mother walked over to give him a hug and a kiss.

After a while, Mike and Carolyn had the children say goodbye and took them home. Lewis stayed with his friend.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hi Carolyn, Alex is out of surgery. They think they got all of it, this time."

"Thank God, Lewis. How's Bobby?"

"He's a lot better now. He's sitting with her."

"Thank you, Lewis."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"And these just came," Bobby said, smiling at her. He pulled the card free from the bouquet. "Major Case is thinking of you. Get well soon. It's signed from Captain Ross and the Squad."

Alex smiled and shifted position on the bed. "That's nice," she said.

"And Lewis promised a giant bag of skittles when you get home."

"I love Lewis."

"I know." He was beside himself with joy. She'd been getting steadily stronger for two days.

"Knock knock," Carolyn said from the doorway. "We have visitors!"

Katie ran in and Bobby caught her before she jumped on top of her mother. "You have to be careful, Mommy's tummy is sore," he told her, and he set her gently on the mattress beside Alex. Alex reached her arms out and Katie fell against her in a fierce hug. Bobby's hand rested against his little girl's back, and he was ready to pull her away at the first sign from Alex.

Katie sat back and looked at her mother. "You had a operation," she said.

Alex nodded.

"And you're sick."

Again, Alex nodded. Bobby picked Katie up and held her in his arms. "But she's getting better all the time," he told his little girl.

Andy held his mother's hand and walked close to the bed. Carolyn picked him up and he stared at Alex.

"Hi, Andy," she said with a grin.

"Aunt Alex," he said.

"Can I have a hug?"

He scrambled out of Carolyn's arms and she helped him perch in a safe spot on the bed to hug Alex. Just as quickly, he climbed back into Carolyn's embrace.

Alex was smiling, but she closed her eyes. "You're getting tired," Bobby said.

She opened her eyes. "No, it's okay…"

"Night-night, Momma," Katie said.

A small smile played at her lips, and Alex drifted off again. The group stepped out of the room so as not to wake her up.

"Where's Mike?" Bobby asked.

"He's working tonight. Speaking of, when are you going back?"

"Tomorrow. I'm on desk duty anyway, until they bring in a replacement for your husband." Mike had left the force a month ago to start his own business as a private investigator, leaving Bobby with no partner. Katie squirmed, and he set her down on the floor, where she met Andy. They chased each other to a bench in the hall and scrambled up to sit on it.

Carolyn kept one eye on the kids and the other on Bobby.

"Take Katie to the Daycare tomorrow. I'll pick her up."

"She can keep Andy company. He'll have to go tomorrow, too," Carolyn said. Then she looked past him into the hospital room again. "She's looking good, Bobby."

"I know," he said, grinning again. "Looks like we're okay, now."

Carolyn reached up and gave her friend a hug. "You give her one of those for me, whenever she's up for it." Bobby nodded sheepishly, then called Katie over for one last hug and a kiss goodbye.

* * *

Alex spent most of the evening cuddling on the couch with Katie. Bobby announced that it was bedtime and after she kissed her mother, he tucked Katie in for the night.

He stood before Alex, who was still nestled on the couch, and handed her a glass of water and her medication. She took the pills and gave the glass back. He set it on the table. "Bedtime for you, too," he said quietly.

Alex rolled her eyes at him, but she grinned. He helped her walk to the bedroom and get changed. Then he surprised her by changing and sliding into bed with her.

"It's awfully early for you, isn't it?" she asked.

He rolled to his side, facing her and folded his hands with hers. "I've been missing this," he said. He stretched toward her and gently pressed his lips to hers. They lay together in a comfortable silence.

"Something's bothering you," Alex announced.

Normally, Bobby would have scoffed and stormed away, never admitting to anything. Tonight, though, finally alone with his wife, he was safe. "I'm sorry. I've been such an… ass… lately…since you made Captain, really."

"It's a big change, hard on all of us. I knew you'd come around, eventually."

"You didn't have to find such a dramatic way to get my attention," he teased.

Alex reached out her hand and dragged lazy fingers along his bare chest.

"I love you, Alex. Even when I'm an ass."

"I know." He kissed her again, and she continued. "I love you, too, Bobby."

* * *

Bobby left the Captain's office and paused at his desk. His new partner, a thirty year old transfer from the Gang Unit, was in the break room again. Bobby took advantage of the opportunity and called home.

"Hello?"

"How are you doing?" He asked her.

"I'm fine."

"Is that fine as in 'walking around doing chores' or is that fine as in 'lying on the couch?'"

"Somewhere in between the two," Alex said.

"Is Katie making it difficult?"

"Katie's a Godsend," Alex said honestly. "She made me waffles for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, and she's been watching the clock like a hawk keeping my medication on schedule."  
Bobby smiled. "Good. I'll stay at work, then."

"Mike came by this morning, and I think he's going to come back around 3."

Bobby smiled and nodded his approval. "I didn't put him up to it," he said. "He's just looking out for you."

"I know he is. And I'm still waiting for Lewis to bring that bag of skittles."

"I'll give him a call," Bobby grinned. Looking up, he saw his new partner returning. "I gotta go," he said. "The new guy's ready to hit the pavement."

"Watch your back, Bobby."

"I always do. I love you."

"Love you too."

On that note, Bobby ended the call and looked to his junior partner, Freddie Battista. "Ready?" He asked him.

"Ready as ever!" Freddie said, unable to contain his excitement.

Inwardly, Bobby groaned. He wasn't sure what to make of this guy, yet. He had a solid resume, but he seemed a little too eager for action. Maybe it was the gang experience. A lot of those guys were adventure-seekers… maybe that's how Battista fit in so well.

"Do you like to drive?" Bobby asked as they headed down the hall together.

"Shit, man, if I hadn't made it through the academy, I was gonna be a NASCAR driver!"

Bobby nodded, and thought he'd profiled Freddie right.

* * *

"Where's your Mom?" Mike asked, as Andy ran into the apartment ahead of him.

"She's in bed," Katie said. "I made her go lay down."

Mike smiled. "You're taking good care of her, aren't you?"

"Of course!" Katie ran off after Andy and the two sat down in her room to play with toys.

Mike wandered down the hall and knocked on the bedroom door.

"Come in, Mike," Alex called.

He took two steps into the room and stopped, not wanting to intrude on her privacy. "You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. Katie told me to lie down. I guess I dozed off on the couch."

"The kids are playing. I'll stick around a while. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm okay."

"I'll check in again before I leave."

"Thanks."

He went back out and busied himself cleaning the mess a seven year old cook left in the kitchen.

* * *

Battista was about the same size as Goren, and the two of them had the potential to be a quite intimidating sight. At the last stop of the day, Battista got a little tired of the verbal runaround the shopowner was giving them. He used his size to coerce information out of the man. Bobby stepped in and quietly said, "Thank you, Mr. Kalesh, we'll be on our way." Bobby didn't even leave his card, just led the way out the door, pausing only to look back and ensure Battista was coming.

"What?! He was talking in circles!" Battista said, on the defensive.

Bobby walked the eight remaining steps to the car, then glanced both ways down the sidewalk. He looked at his new partner. "People reveal… a lot, even when they're talking in circles."

"Sure, he revealed that he was lying, hiding something. I get that."

Bobby jumped in too quickly, then forced his temper back. "You scared him… you shut him down. He won't give us anything else, now."

Battista glared at Bobby, who looked at his feet a moment and shook his head. When Goren spoke again, his voice was soft. "Look, Freddie. This is Major Case. We have to walk a tightrope… everything we do and say gets a straight shot to the media." Bobby opened the car door, but he didn't get in. "I'm not saying there's never a time for that… but… save it… for the perps, not a guy like this."

To Battista's credit, he didn't say a word all the way back to 1PP.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Mike was still at his apartment when Bobby got home. A look of worry crossed his face. Mike shook his head. "She's fine, she's asleep. The kids were having a good time, Carolyn has to work late. I thought we could get a pizza and watch a game or something."

"Yeah, okay." Bobby went down the hall to his bedroom. With the curtains drawn, it was quite dark already. He tucked his hand into the bathroom and switched that light on providing a low light to the bedroom.

Alex was on her side, her hair and the twisted covers the evidence that she'd been in bed a while. He moved in and sat on the bed beside her, gently placing his hand against the skin of her cheek and her temple.

She stirred. With a sigh, she rolled onto her back.

Bobby kept his hand on her head and stroked her hair back. He was rewarded when she opened her eyes. "Hi," he said with a smile.

"You're home already?" She asked, and checked the clock. "Holy cow, I slept that long? Katie—"

"Mike stayed. She's fine."

Alex sighed and sat up far enough to settle in front of him, resting her head against his chest. Bobby wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her cheek. "We're getting a pizza. Are you up for it?"

"Yeah, I should get up." Alex slid from his arms and got to her feet. Bobby held fast to her hand.

"Don't push too hard, Alex."

She gave him a smile and a nod, and headed off to the bathroom. Bobby went out to say hello to the children.

* * *

Bobby let Johnny in and gave him a handshake and a quick hug. All of Alex's family had come by the hospital at one point or another, and her little brother was wanting to check in. It was past midnight, and he was on his way home from his 4 day shift at the firehouse.

"She's asleep?" Johnny asked, and Bobby nodded.

"Go ahead," Bobby said quietly, jerking his head in the direction of the bedroom. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

With a smile, Johnny went down the hall, poked his head in the door, and looked at his sleeping sister. Bobby had a left a dim lamp on in the room, so he would be able to find his way around, and Johnny had a clear view of Alex. She was resting peacefully, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Shutting the door gently, he went back out to the living room. "She looks ten times better than when I saw her last week."

Bobby grinned and agreed with him. "You wanna beer?"

"Sure." He waited for his brother in law to bring the bottle, and then Johnny sat down in the easy chair while Bobby sat on the couch. "How's Katie?"

"Fine. Excited about school. Mike and I enrolled the kids yesterday. Your kids?"

"Good. Ben's starting his last year of med school."

Bobby shook his head. "Where does the time go?"

Johnny grinned. "Calvin's getting pretty serious about his girlfriend. I wouldn't be surprised if he popped the question soon. And Lori, we hardly ever hear from Lori. She's having so much fun at Penn State."

"That first year away from home… it's pretty exciting."

"Yeah. That's what my wife tells me. She says I worry too much."

"You've got great kids, Johnny. You don't have anything to worry about. You and Mel did a hell of a job." They sat a few minutes, quietly enjoying their beers. "How's Dad?" Bobby asked, suddenly, realizing he hadn't heard anything about John Senior since Alex went to the hospital.

Johnny shrugged. "He hates it there. He keeps telling us he wants to go home."

Bobby nodded. He went through the same thing with his mother, years ago. "He'll get used to it," Bobby offered.

Johnny took a swig of his drink. "I don't think he's going to last out the year."

Bobby looked up in alarm. "Has something happened?"

Johnny shook his head. "He's just… it's just a feeling I have… Dad's so unhappy, and every time I see him, I think he's a little more frail."

Bobby frowned. "Frail" was not a word he would ever be able to associate with John Eames. "We'll go out and see him. If Alex isn't up for it yet, I'll take Katie."

"The kids are the only ones who manage to pull him out of it for a while. He's just so depressed."

"Look man, I didn't mean to bring you down. I just wanted to stop by and check on Alex. It's getting late. I need to get back home to Melissa." He stood up. "You'll tell sis I stopped by?"

"Of course." The two men hugged and Johnny left.

* * *

The new M.E. was much quieter than Elizabeth Rodgers had been. He ran things with a firm but quiet hand. He kept to himself as much as possible, at home as well as at work. Bobby liked him, though. He was very intelligent and was quick to surmise the intelligence of others. He'd shown Goren nothing but respect from the first time they met.

"Find anything?" Bobby asked him quietly.

"OD'd on pain medication."

Bobby screwed up his face in thought. "He have a reason to be on pain medication?"

"Severe gout. It's unusual, but it's possible he may have been prescribed something. Or there may have been some in the cabinet and some compassionate soul gave it to him."

Bobby looked over at his new partner, wondering what he was getting from this.

"His wife had surgery last year," Battista said, and Bobby nodded, relieved that at least the man had a head for details.

"What about this," Bobby moved in and gestured with his fingers at the bruising around the corpse's ear, "abrasion, here?"

"Peri-mortem, I'd say. He could have fallen, or been struck."

Bobby leaned down and looked at the shape of the bruise again. He had photographs from the crime scene, but he couldn't help but look at the source again. "But this, definitely, wasn't the cause of death?"

"It would have hurt, but it wouldn't have killed him."

Bobby returned to his full height and smiled at the M.E. "Thanks, Mitch."

Battista mumbled a goodbye and followed Goren back upstairs. In the elevator, Bobby was reviewing the notes in his binder, and seemed to be lost in thought.

"Maybe it wasn't a murder at all," Battista said.

Bobby looked at him in a distant kind of way, then gave a curt nod. "Maybe." He stared at his notes again. "In case of an accidental death, his wife stands to collect a half a million." Bobby looked over at his new partner, thinking aloud. "That, in addition to his controlling share in the jewelry business, that's pretty good motive."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"What are you doing?" Bobby asked. His wife was wearing her running clothes.

"Relax, I'm just going to walk a bit. I have to get moving again."

"How far?"

"You don't have to mother-hen me, I'll be fine."

"Just tell me how far you're going so I can narrow the search when you overdo it and don't make it back."

She frowned and gave him an evil glare. "That way," she pointed. "I don't know how far." She headed for the door, but he hurried and beat her there, blocking the way. "Bobby!"

"You have your phone?" He asked.

"Yes," she answered with annoyance.

He surprised her with a kiss. "I love you." He stepped out of the way. Alex opened the door, turned back, and looked at her husband. She didn't say a word, but her eyes conveyed her message.

* * *

"Chief, what a surprise," Alex said. It was her first day back in the office, and she was busy trying to get her desk back in order.

"Welcome back, Captain. Glad to see you."

With a gesture, she offered him a chair. "Cup of coffee?"

"No thanks, Eames. I just wanted to stop by and say hello. How's it coming so far?"

"I can't find anything," she admitted with a grin. "But I'm glad to be back."

"You can call Weck, I'm sure he'd come help you sort it all out."

"No, Chief, that's all right. I'll manage." Weck had filled in for her while she was recovering, and the thought of having him return to her domain sent an itch under her skin. She'd already heard from a good number of her detectives that he was a pain in the ass.

"I hope Goren's doing better," he said.

Chief Moran never had any interest in Bobby's welfare. Eames looked up at him suspiciously. "Better?" She asked, hoping for some kind of clarification.

"I spoke to him when you were in the hospital, he didn't tell you?"

Alex smiled and decided the best thing to do was protect Bobby. "I don't really remember a lot from the hospital. He probably mentioned it."

"Well," Moran said, stretching out his legs and folding his hands over his ample belly, "he probably didn't want to share that with you. He wasn't exactly… cordial."

_Oh, God. What did he say? _"I'm sure he was under a lot of stress at the time, sir…worried about me." _Was there a point to this visit?!_

"That's what Ross said." Moran groaned as he got to his feet. "Oh, these old bones are tired!" he said with a grin.

_Why don't you retire, then, you old goat? _ thought Alex.

"Glad to see you back, Eames. I'm looking forward to this week's report."

She smiled. "Yes, sir. Have a great day." She watched him walk out of her office, and, wary that eyes could be watching through the blinds, she simply stood still and exhaled very slowly. After tucking away a stack of files on her desk, she sat down and picked up the phone.

"Ross."

"Hi, Danny, it's Alex."

"Eames! Great to hear from you. Are you back on the job?"

"Yes, today."

"That's terrific. I've been meaning to ask Bobby about you. What can I do for you?"

"I just had a visit from Moran."

"Oh?"

"A welcome back, you know…" She scraped her fingernails against her scalp. "He said he spoke with Bobby when I was in the hospital?"

Ross' voice betrayed him. "Yeah. That… that wasn't a good exchange."

"What happened?"

"Maybe you should ask Bobby."

"I'm asking you, since you're the one who smoothed things over with the Chief."

"Okay, well, look. You weren't doing well, and he called Moran a son of a bitch."

Alex raised a hand and rubbed her temples. Impossibly, she was appalled, angry, and proud all at the same time. She sighed.

"Look, Alex. Bobby wasn't himself. He was worried sick."

"Should I be concerned about this? Is Bobby's job—"

"Bobby has a job with me as long as he wants it. Don't let Moran get under your skin. He's got nothing better to do with his time, I guess."

"Thanks, Danny."

"Take it easy, Alex."

She hung up the phone and called her husband.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hi, Bobby."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." There was a moment of quiet, and a shy smile peeked out from under her handset. "I love you."

She could easily picture his smile. "I love you, too."

* * *

"The guy is insufferable!" Battista complained to his buddy and former partner.

"He must be good, he's got a hell of a record," Sanchez said.

"You aren't the one who has to be with him every day. He thinks he knows everything!"

Sanchez shook his head.

"What?! Don't tell me you're taking his side?"

"I'm not taking anybody's side, Freddie. You're the one who wanted the job. All I heard for a damn month was 'Major Case, Major Case.' Now you've got the job and all you do is piss and moan." Sanchez looked at his friend. "Look, how long has Goren been there?"

"Like 17 years or something. He's a geezer."

"Maybe you need to open your fucking eyes. 17 years… Jesus Christ, maybe he does know everything!" Freddie squeezed his hand into a fist and looked away. "Alfredo. I know you. You don't like anybody to tell you what to do. That's the real problem, isn't it?"

"You're saying I'm just too hard-headed to—"

"I'm saying if you want to be Major Case, then you've got some shit to learn. I'll bet Goren was the same way when he first got the job."

* * *

Bobby grabbed his evidence and holed up in an interview room. Honestly, Battista was getting on his nerves. The guy was going to take some grooming to make it in Major Case, and Bobby wasn't sure he was the man to do it.

There was a knock at the door. He considered ignoring it, but a sideways glance proved it was his Captain. Goren stood and unlocked the door, allowing Ross to come in.

"How's it going?" he asked.

Bobby shrugged, muttered something about the case.

"I mean with the new guy."

"Oh." Bobby closed his mouth and sank into his chair. He grabbed his pen and twirled it. "I don't know, Captain."

Ross sat in a chair opposite his detective. "He has a strong resume."

"I know that, sir. You showed me."

"Goren, look. I need your take on him. If the man doesn't match what's on paper, I need to know."

Bobby rubbed a hand through his hair. "It's hard… it's hard to say, Captain."

"My best profiler can't even give me a handle on his own partner."

"That's not fair!"

"Well, Detective?"

"He's a kid. I'm trying to give him a chance."

"But…"

"I don't feel comfortable doing this, sir."

"Give me three strengths, then."

"He's got a good memory for details. He picked up a lot at the crime scene, some stuff I might have missed. He's got a way with women. It seems pretty easy for him to get them talking."

Ross smiled. "Sounds like there's potential, then."

"Yes, sir, there is."

"So don't give up on him yet." Ross walked out in triumph.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"How did it go?" Alex asked, smiling.

"I cried. I wasn't going to, but I did. Did you cry on Katie's first day?"

"Oh, yeah." Alex took her glass of tea to the living room and sat down. "I cried off and on all day."

"Good. Maybe I'm not so strange after all." Carolyn sounded like she was tearing up as she spoke.

"Did he have a good time?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, he came home very happy, and he told us about some of his friends, and about his teacher."

"Is it Mrs. Wells?"

"Yeah."

"She's wonderful. She was Katie's teacher."

"That makes me feel better."

"And since she dealt with us, she has an understanding of the cop life, so she won't be making judgements about you if Andy tells her you had to work all weekend or something."

"That's good. I can't believe my baby is growing up!"

"Mine, too. Do you know they start multiplication in second grade?!"

Katie came over and climbed on her mother's lap. "Momma?"

"Yes, Baby," Alex said, holding the phone away from her mouth.

"I don't feel so good."

Alex touched her daughter's forehead and quickly said into the phone. "Carolyn? I have to go, Katie's sick."

She checked her temp and gave her some children's Tylenol for the fever. Katie said her throat was sore, and Alex made an appointment for her. Bobby called at six and said he'd be working late. Alex and Katie had dinner alone.

* * *

She was asleep in the chair when he got home. Bobby hated to see her so uncomfortable. He walked over and stroked her arm, and Alex awoke. She stretched and stood up, ready to move to her bed. Then she saw the two inch bandage on the back of his hand. "What happened to you?" She asked.

"Uhm… we made the arrest," he said.

"And?"

"I got two stitches."

"Bobby."

"It wasn't the wife, it was her boyfriend, and he was high. He knocked me against one of the display cases, and it shattered. Battista was on him, though. He got him down and cuffed."

"Good," she said, thankful that Bobby's partner was on the ball. "Katie's sick," Alex said, and Bobby's head snapped up. "It could be strep. I'm going to take her in tomorrow morning."

Bobby went to his daughter's room right away. She was asleep, and he felt her forehead before placing a kiss there. As he closed the door, he said, "she has a fever."

"I already gave her something for it."

Bobby threw a weary arm around her shoulders and they went to bed, leaving the door open just enough to hear Katie if she called.

* * *

Goren was haggard, and Ross needed to know why. The man was talking quietly with his partner, the report printed out in front of him, and he was editing it before signing off on it.

"Goren," Ross called. Bobby rose and came into the office, with a few more words for his partner first.

"Captain?"

"You look like hell. What's going on?"

"Oh, uh… Katie's sick. We think it's strep. Alex took her to the doctor this morning."

Ross nodded in understanding. "How's your hand?"

"Fine, sir. Itchy." Bobby started to leave, then turned back. "Captain? If Katie has strep, I'll need to stay home with her. Alex just got back on the job, and…"

"I understand. Keep me posted."

* * *

"Sir? It was strep. I won't be in for a couple of days. Yeah. Thank you."

Alex was holding Katie on her lap, reading a story to her. Katie had strep a few times last year, and she seemed to get it worse than most. Not only did she have the fever, sore throat, and headaches, but very often she would have horrible stomachaches and even throw up. Tonight, she'd barely touched her soup, and she was content to stay curled in her mother's embrace.

Bobby cleaned up the kitchen and then joined them in the living room. He watched as Alex finished the story and then sang their daughter to sleep. He got up and scooped her up out of his wife's arms. "I'll get her to bed," he said.

He tucked her in as always, laying her on the sheet and gently covering her with the blankets. Then he brushed her hair back from her forehead and whispered, "I love you, Katie," dropping a kiss there before he rose. Alex followed him in and gave their daughter her own good night kiss. The two went back to the living room.

Bobby rubbed his tired eyes. "I called off for a couple of days."

"Thanks," Alex said, finally allowing herself to feel how tired she was. "If things weren't such a mess, I could have—"

"No. You're the Captain, now. You've got a whole squad counting on you."

Alex felt a twinge. "It's not a competition, Bobby. I took this promotion for us, for our family, remember?"

He nodded in an agitated sort of way and paced a small circle in the room. "I know you did."

"We could hire a nanny, if you'd rather…"

"No."

Bobby had always bucked against the idea of someone else raising their child. Daycare had been a hard sell, with him. So they trusted the Logans in an emergency, and had this same argument over and over again.

Alex was angry, now. "I don't know what you want from me! As long as you're opposed to a nanny, the only solution is that one of us stays home to care for her. I just spent almost three weeks out on sick leave. I _need _ to be on the job!"

He closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. He was right, she was right, they were doing the best they could with what they had. When Bobby spoke, his voice was tired. "I'm… uhm… I'm going out for a while. I'm… I'm sorry I upset you."

He gathered his wallet and keys and headed out the door. Once he was gone, Alex put her head in her hands.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

He checked on his daughter before he stumbled to bed. Bobby peeled off his clothes and threw them in the general direction of the hamper before climbing in next to his wife.

Alex was awake the whole time, picturing his movements in her mind as she heard him prepare for bed. He smelled like smoke and whiskey, but his hand found hers and she gave it a squeeze.

"Katie's sleeping hard," he said, and his tongue was thick around the words.

Alex nodded. She didn't tell him she spent the first hour after he left holding their little girl while she vomited. Alex turned toward him, keeping her eyes shut against the headache that was attacking her sleep-deprived body.

Relieved that she hadn't given him the cold shoulder, Bobby reached his arms around her and kissed her head. Minutes later, his hand was roving over her body, stopping to linger at her breast.

Alex's head was pounding. It was past midnight, and she had to get up early for work. She reached out, and stopped his hand from moving. "I-I need to sleep, Bobby."

Disappointed, he lowered his hand. He didn't turn away, at least not at first.

Alex was still asleep when he flipped himself over. She worried that he was angry with her. Still fighting sleep, she wondered if it would have been better to have let him have his way. She sighed and rolled away from him, and eventually sleep finally came.

* * *

Mike moved over his wife, kissing her warm, wet mouth as he pushed inside her.

Carolyn let herself go completely. She broke the kiss only when her lungs were burning for air, and she kept her fingers wound into his thick hair as she panted against his neck. Keenly aware that their son was sleeping in the next room, she managed to wrestle her screams down to breathless yelps.

At last he stiffened and moaned as he erupted inside her. She stared at him, memorizing the peaceful bliss on his face until he fell against her, spent.

His heart was racing. She brought her hands down and stroked the bare skin of his back.

Mike moved off her and settled for a position at her side, one leg and one arm resting over her naked body.

Carolyn wondered that she had earned the devotion of the man in her arms. She turned just far enough to touch his lips with hers.

* * *

While Alex was out for her walk/run, Bobby got up and prepared farina for breakfast. He hoped Katie would be well enough to get some of it down. The coffee pot was full, and he helped himself to a large mug full. He didn't remember much about last night, just that he'd had a few too many and Alex had rejected him. As he sipped his coffee, he hoped that she was just mad he'd come home drunk.

"Daddy?" Katie squeaked. Looking down at his daughter, she seemed smaller than he remembered.

Bobby opened his arms and she crawled eagerly into his lap. He felt her head, and kissed her, relieved that there was no fever. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"My throat hurts," she said sadly.

"I've got just the thing for that," he said, and deposited her in an empty chair with a kiss. Bobby warmed a coffee cup full of apple juice and placed it in front of her. "Coffee?" he teased.

Katie grinned, and her little teeth weren't much whiter than her pale skin. "I'm just like Mommy," she said.

Bobby smiled at her. "Yes, you are!" He dished a small bowl full of the cereal and added brown sugar and cinnamon. Then he stirred it and set it down in front of her.

Just as he sat down with his coffee again, Alex returned. She came into the kitchen and put her hands in Katie's curls. "You're better," Alex said, giving her little girl an encouraging smile.

"My tummy doesn't hurt," Katie told her.

Alex gave her a kiss. "That's good," she said. Her eyes locked on Bobby's for a moment. "I've… uh… I've gotta get a shower," she announced and headed back to the bedroom.

Bobby scrambled to his feet and followed her. He watched her strip out of her running clothes and felt both a pang of desire and the sting of last night's rejection. "Uh, I… are we all right?" He asked.

Alex, clad in only her underwear, walked over and put her hand on his cheek. "I really had a headache last night. I'd been up with Katie, and I just couldn't settle down and sleep." She kissed him gently on the lips. "I'll tell you what. If I turn you down because I'm mad, I'll just say, 'no Bobby, I'm pissed.'" She offered him a teasing smile. "Will that be clear enough?"

He grinned and nodded. "I hope I don't hear that for a long time," he said shyly, and gave her a kiss that hinted he wanted more.

Alex craned her neck at the clock. "I can't. I have to get to work," she said. Then she cupped his face with both hands and kissed him eagerly, feeling his gentle fingers, warm against the skin of her back. "Tonight," she promised in a husky whisper. She broke away and stepped into the bathroom. In less than a minute, she was in the shower.

Bobby returned to his little girl and his coffee. He was pleased to see she'd eaten a few bites of the creamy meal in front of her. "Will you stay with me today?" she asked him.

"Yes, baby, I'll stay home with you today. You Mom has to go to work. We can watch movies," he suggested.

"The one about the princess?"

It was her favorite, and he'd gotten so sick of it during the summer he hadn't let her watch it for at least a month. Bobby nodded. "Sure. You can watch the princess movie."

It should have sparked a scream and a happy dance, but his little girl was sick. She only smiled and wrapped her small hands around the coffee cup that held her juice. Bobby found her antibiotics and prepared a dose for her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Bobby paced away from the living room, where Katie was resting, watching her princess movie. He bit his tongue so as not to curse in front of her. "I can't do that today, I already told you!" At last, he made it to his study and shut the door behind him. He listened, frowning. "Battista, my daughter is sick. I'm all she's got today. Give it to Winters and Davis!"

Battista continued arguing on his end of the line, until Bobby couldn't stand it anymore. "I'm senior partner, and I'm telling you to give it to Winters! I am _not_ touching a crime scene today. And neither are you."

At last, the junior detective hung up the phone. Bobby pushed the end button and said through gritted teeth, "Fuck!" He paced the room, rubbing the back of his neck. Finally, he came to a decision. He dialed the number quickly.

"Winters, yeah, it's me, Goren. Uhm…" He ran his hand over his hair, not sure this was the best move. "My new partner, he got a call out, and I'm home with Katie today and tomorrow… I told him to give it to you. Look, if he doesn't give you anything in the next hour, will you call me? Thanks."

He let out a heavy sigh and muttered "Fuck" again under his breath. Then he went back to the living room.

Katie looked up at him and smiled a tired smile. "Daddy," she said. "You missed your favorite part."

He sat down and stretched her feet onto his lap and then straightened the throw blanket over them. "I'll see it next time, baby girl."

* * *

"What do you mean, it wasn't signed?" Alex shook her head in anger and scribbled a note on the pad beside the phone. "Yes. Send it back, I'll take care of it." She hung up and sighed. Not only had Weck managed to move every damn piece of paper in her office, he hadn't checked over the reports when he sent them in, and now she was going to have to reprimand a good detective when all it should have been was a gentle reminder. "Damn!" She said to herself.

Alex leaned back in her chair and pushed away from the desk a few inches. She thought back, remembering all the Captains she'd worked for in her career, and, as always, fell back on the one who'd truly been her mentor. Jimmy Deakins would say "to hell with the book," and forget the formal reprimand. It wasn't her detective's fault she'd gotten sick. Resolutely, she raised back up in her chair. "This is _my_ house," she said to herself, "and _I decide_ what happens here."

* * *

The poor girl was dry-heaving now, and Bobby had no idea how to make it stop. He held her tiny shoulders in his huge hands, and he spoke soothingly. "It's okay, Katie. You're okay, now. Don't look at it. Close your eyes, honey. Close your eyes, that's it… take a deep breath…"

She listened to her Daddy, and once she wasn't looking at the toilet anymore, the reflex seemed to stop. He flushed it while her eyes were closed, and slowly gathered her into his arms. Bobby carried her back to the couch and laid her down. He held her up enough to take a sip of her ginger ale, and then helped her lie down again. Katie broke his heart when she began to cry. He scooped her up and held her close until she finally relaxed and fell asleep.

He was just beginning to relax, himself, when his phone rang. Bobby snatched it up off the table, hoping not to wake up his little girl. "Goren," he said.

"Goren, it's Winters. Your partner hasn't said squat to us all morning. He left his desk about 30 minutes ago, and we thought he was back in the break room again, but Davis went looking, and Goren? He's gone."

"Shit." Bobby regretted it as soon as the word dropped from his lips. He looked at his little girl and licked his lips. "Thanks, Winters." He hung up, and immediately dialed again. "Captain Ross?" Bobby said. "We've got a problem."

* * *

"Battista," he growled into the phone.

"Freddie," Goren said, keeping his voice calm. "I, uh… I just wanted to apologize about earlier… I, you know… I, I guess I'm just worried about my kid…"

"Yeah," Freddie said, knowing the words made sense but with a feeling in his gut that something wasn't right. "I get that. Okay, Goren, okay."

"Uhm, I had a thought," Bobby offered. "What if you get the photos from the scene, and uhm… bring them over here? I could work it with you and still take care of my daughter…"

"That sounds… doable," Battista agreed. He got the address from Goren. "I'll be there in an hour," he said, and ended the call.

* * *

Bobby frowned. He didn't like this plan, but it was the best he could come up with. The last thing any of them needed was a cocky junior detective playing maverick. He dialed the Captain again, and filled him in.

* * *

"I don't like it," Alex said.

"I don't like it either, but what else can we do?"

"You could let Ross handle it."

"Alex…" Bobby groaned. "I told the Captain, but… I'm trying to give Freddie the benefit of the doubt, here. He's not a bad guy, he just… has a lot to learn."

"So let his Captain teach him."

"Eames," Bobby said, "you know the… the most important lessons… don't come from the Captain."

She sighed. How many times had she, as senior partner to Bobby, been told to reign him in, keep him in check, keep an eye on him? She got her husband's point. He was senior partner now, and he was taking his responsibility seriously.

"So how is she?" Alex asked, changing the subject.

"I got her to eat lunch, but she couldn't keep it down."

Alex winced. Her heart ached for her child. "The fever?"

"Mostly gone. Just the nausea and the sore throat now."

"I'll bring home some popsicles."

"She'll like that."

"Give Katie a kiss for me, Bobby."

"Sure, Alex."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Bobby held his finger to his lips as he opened the door for his partner. "She's asleep," he explained quietly, pointing to his little girl on the couch.

"Wow, she's tiny," Battista observed.

"She's only 7," Bobby said.

His partner pulled out an envelope full of photographs. "I picked these up on the way," he said, shaking the package in the air.

"We'll uhm… we'll go in here." Goren led the way to his study. "I do my work in here, so Katie doesn't see…" He opened the door for the younger man. "J-just… spread them out on the desk in there. You wanna beer or something?"

"N-no," Battista said, thinking the question was some kind of trap. "I'm on duty, you know."

Bobby checked the time. He smiled. "It's almost closing time, just thought I'd offer. Something else? Iced Tea? Soda?"

"Nah, I'm good," Battista said, laying the pictures out one by one until the desktop was covered with them.

"Okay, I'm gonna…" Bobby disappeared and reappeared a few minutes later. He moved toward the desk and studied each picture carefully. It was a gruesome crime. The woman, what was left of her, had been naked in the bed when she was killed.

"What's your take?" Bobby asked him, still searching the pictures.

"Looks like a crime of passion. Only…"

Without turning to his partner, Bobby smiled. He waited for Battista to reveal his observations.

"Only the room was a little too together, for my taste."

Bobby nodded.

"I mean, you'd think he would have knocked something over when he reached for that leaded glass statuette he beat her with. Look at the shelf. It was the third thing back on the shelf. In a fit of passion, the other knick-knacks should have fallen over."

Bobby grinned. He had noticed the same thing.

"And there's no sign of remorse. The body wasn't cleaned or coddled in any way once she was dead. He just beat her and left."

It was nice to see that his new partner had skills. Bobby finally spoke. "I agree. I'd say it was a hit designed to look like a crime of passion. Good job, Freddie."

Bobby's phone rang. He'd left it on the end table, and he hurried out to catch it before Katie woke up. Battista picked up one of the crime scene photos and wandered out of the study, looking at it.

"No, that's okay, Mike. She's sleeping, and I'm already called off for tomorrow. We're okay tonight, thanks. Andy didn't, he's not sick, is he?" Bobby asked, suddenly worried that his daughter may have spread her illness to the boy before they caught it. Mike assured him Andy was fine. "Oh, good," Bobby said. He saw Battista wander down the hall, looking for the John. Goren wrapped up his phone conversation and put the phone in his pocket.

"Daddy?" Katie asked. "What's this? Is that blood?" She had the photo in her hand. He couldn't get it away fast enough.

"Y-yeah, it's—it's nothing, honey. Just forget about it." Inside, he was raging. He held the photo behind his back and placed a gentle hand in her curls. "How are you feeling?"

She smiled. "I'm hungry, Daddy."

"I'll get you something to eat," he promised. "Soup? Or toast?"

"I want a sandwich."

"We'll start with toast," he said, "and maybe if you keep it down, we'll have a sandwich for dinner."

Battista returned, and Bobby shoved the photo in his hand. "Put this, in there," he said angrily. "And shut the damn door!" He added.

Bewildered, Freddie did as he was told. When he came back out, Katie was standing in the hall, staring at him. "Who are you?" She asked.

"I'm your Dad's partner, Detective Battista."

"Did you bring the picture over?"

Battista's cheeks colored. "Oh, uh… you saw that?"

"Some bad guys hurt her, didn't they?"

"Look, uhm, I think you should probably talk to your Dad about this kind of thing. I mean, I'm… I'm… uh… sorry you saw that, and…"

"Her ring is missing," Katie said.

Bobby had just returned to the room and was about to lash out at his partner, but Katie threw him for a loop. Both Detectives stared at the little girl. "What?" Bobby said.

"She has a little white line on her finger. You know, Daddy, the same one you wear your ring on. Her ring is missing."

"Oh, uh… we… we'll look for it, honey."

"Somebody was mad she lost her ring."

Bobby was increasingly uncomfortable. Just how much had she seen in that photograph?! "I, uh, I've got your toast, baby," he coaxed. While he led his little girl to the table, Battista disappeared into the study again. Bobby sat with her a few minutes to make sure eating was a good idea. Then he said, "I'll be right back, Katie."

He stepped inside and closed the door to the study.

"I'm sorry," Freddie said, and he really seemed to mean it. "She was asleep and I went to the John and I never once thought—"

"We do everything we can around here to protect her from… that," Bobby said, jerking a finger at the photographs on the desk.

"Goren, I'm sorry. I really am."

"Do you have kids, Battista?"

He reddened a little. "One. My ex got full custody and I haven't seen him since he was 3. They live in Alaska, now." He wrung his hands a moment. "I guess she couldn't get far enough away from me."

In spite of his anger, Bobby felt a pang of compassion. He couldn't imagine how painful it would be not to have Katie in his life. He took a deep breath. "Well, we'll just do… damage control and hope for the best."

"Pretty amazing she noticed that about the ring. Did you get that? I totally missed it."

Bobby was proud of her. "I hadn't seen it yet, either," he said quietly. He went back to the kitchen and sat with Katie until she finished eating.

By the time she was done, Alex was coming in the front door. "Momma!" She squealed, and ran to her.

Alex dropped her leather briefcase and the shopping bag on the floor and took her child into her arms. "How are you feeling, sweetie?"

"I was sick before, but I just ate some toast! It was really good."

Alex reached for the bag. "I brought you some popsicles. Would you like one?"

Katie nodded eagerly, and Alex tore open the box and got her one of her choosing. "Take it to the kitchen, honey, I don't want sticky all over the furniture."

"Okay, Mommy." She slurped and licked the purple treat all the way back to the kitchen table. Alex stuffed the box into the freezer and went back to put her briefcase on the desk in the corner of the dining room. Bobby emerged from the study, with a stranger following behind on his heels.

"Alex, this is my partner, Freddie Battista," Bobby said.

"Hello, Mrs. Goren," Freddie said.

Bobby leaned over and spoke softly into his ear. "Actually, it's Eames." Freddie recognized the name and blanched. Bobby leaned over again. "_Captain_ Eames."

Alex could see Bobby was enjoying the torment of his young partner. She gave him a welcoming smile and shook his hand. "Hi, Freddie. You've got a tough job, keeping this one out of trouble. I should know. I did it for years."

He smiled politely and Bobby leaned over once more. "She loved the job so much, she signed on for life!" he joked.

"Momma, Daddy and Detective Battista are going to find the bad men that stole the pretty lady's ring."

"Oh?" Alex asked, somewhat suspicious.

Battista said a quick goodbye and ducked out the door while Katie continued, "Yeah, I saw it in the picture."

Alex threw Bobby a look of alarm.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

They had stepped into their room and shut the door for privacy. "It was a mistake, Battista left the picture on the table when he went to the bathroom. Katie was asleep, he didn't expect that she would-."

"And where were you?!"

Bobby bristled at her accusatory tone. "I was on the phone with Logan. He called to ask about Katie."

Thinking about the awful crimes she'd seen in her career, Alex was horrified for her daughter.

"Look, if it helps any, it wasn't… the worst… of the bunch."

"Oh, yes." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. "That helps a lot."

He struggled to keep from shouting at her. "What's done is done, Alex! It was an accident, but it happened, and there's no way to undo it now. You can't take that picture back out of her head!"

"I would have kept it from getting there in the first place!" The words were out, and she couldn't take them back.

In an angry flurry, Bobby left the room. He slowed down long enough to give Katie a kiss goodbye, and he left.

* * *

Tonight, he couldn't tone the anger down. This had been brewing for a long time, and he stood in the subway with his hand through the loop, grateful for the motion and the distraction of keeping himself balanced. His mind was in a rage against Alex, and all the way to 1PP he was cussing her out in his head.

She'd already called him once, but he waited to call her back. He wasn't going to give the others on the train a free show as they witnessed his side of the argument. Bobby hopped off the train and walked down the street, and into the squad room.

His desk was still front and center, right where the Captain could see him, though it was now a place of honor for him. All of the other Detectives had to pass Bobby's desk several times a day en route to somewhere else. It opened up plenty of opportunity for them to tap into his expertise.

He saw the envelope on his desk, along with a note from his partner. "I'm through with these, but I thought you still might want to look them over. Again, Goren, I'm really sorry about your little girl."

Bobby snatched up the envelope and carried it back to an interview room. He closed the door and dialed his phone.

"You can't keep walking out on me like this," Alex said.

"I… I just need some space, Alex."

"And I need my husband!"

"You need me? You just made it very clear that you can take better care of Katie than I-"

"I'm sorry, Bobby." She said it, and she meant it, but she still sounded angry. Alex's voice was full of regret. "I never wanted her to know—"

"And you think I did?!"

"No, of course not." She paused a moment to regain her composure. "So you know how I feel, then."

"Of course I do. I was so mad at Battista, I could have… but it wouldn't have done any good. The damage is done." She was very quiet then, and he hoped she wasn't crying. "How is she?" Bobby asked.

Alex cleared her throat and tried to keep the tears at bay. "She seems okay… more like herself. She hasn't thrown up again."

"Good," Bobby said.

"And she only mentioned the picture a couple of times. Maybe it's not as bad as we think."

Bobby forced himself to grunt in agreement, but he knew from experience how those images could haunt a person.

"Bobby… come home. Please?"

He was truly torn. He hated that Alex was hurting, and he wanted to make up with her, but he knew he couldn't get all of that anger out of his head without a full-on distraction for a while. If he was still angry, he would only hurt her more. "In a while," Bobby said. "I'm gonna put in some time at the office, first."

She was crushed, and he could hear it in her tone. "I love you, Bobby," she said before hanging up.

"Love you, too," he mumbled, but the line was already dead.

* * *

Bobby arrived home, and found Katie sleeping peacefully in her room. Alex had been doing paperwork; her stuff was still scattered across her desk. She was now stretched out in bed, and he could see the empty tumbler on the nightstand. The scent of bourbon was heavy on her breath.

A pang of guilt went through him. Alex rarely drank alone. He undressed and climbed into the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her fiercely. "I love you, Alex."

She didn't wake, but moaned and molded her body against his.

Bobby sighed. In a few days, Katie would be back to normal, he'd be back at work, and Alex would be settling in again at hers. Things had to get better from here. They had nowhere to go but up.

* * *

A/N I sure would like to hear what y'all are thinking about now... Review, please?


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Alex awoke early, as always, and took a moment of comfort in the closeness of him. He'd come home after midnight, she knew, because that was when she'd called it a night. She knew things were a mess between them, and she had no idea how to fix it. Honestly, she didn't even know how broken they were. At least he always came home. Eventually, Bobby always came home.

As she pulled on her jogging clothes, she ran her gaze along his profile. She could see the dark circles under his eyes, even in his restful sleep. His lips were soft and inviting, centered between the sharp and harsh whiskers that surrounded them. His hair was getting unruly, and she realized between work and caring for her and Katie, he hadn't had time to get it cut.

She ran a hand through her own hair and thought the same thing about herself. Then she stepped out to check on Katie before she went out for her run.

Katie was sleeping hard, a good sign that she was on the mend. Alex stroked her curls and kissed her, then went back to the bedroom to find her phone.

He rolled over onto his stomach when she came in, and the sheet slipped down off his back. He was getting older, but his strength had not waned. Alex found herself admiring his powerful back and shoulders, and with a last glance at the clock, she realized there was time: time for them.

Alex crawled onto the bed and straddled him. She gently ran her hands over his bare skin. Her husband sighed and opened his eyes. He started to turn over, but she stopped him with a word. "Don't. Stay put."

Bobby smiled, then, and she realized just how much she loved to see him smile. She massaged his neck and shoulders gently, and then lowered her head and kissed her way across his neck.

"You won't have time for your run," he warned her.

"I'm not running today," she replied, and pressed her body flat over his.

Bobby turned himself over in spite of her. Alex toppled off him and landed just beside him. He pulled her back toward him, kissing her eagerly, his hands working their way under her spandex tank.

For a moment, they forgot their troubles.

* * *

"Uncle Mike!" Katie yelled, and ran down the school hallway to leap into his arms. He caught her easily and pecked her cheek. "Where's Andy? Are you lost? I can show you around," she offered.

"I'm fine, Katie. He's in the classroom with Aunt Carolyn and his teacher."

Alex smiled and shook her head at Mike. "Already sent to the Principal's office, Logan? I thought you'd grown out of that."

He smiled at her remark and set Katie back on her feet. "No, I had to go to the library. Somehow Andy managed to lose a book already. It cost me $17!"

"Mrs. Wells!" Katie shouted. "You're Andy's teacher!"

Mrs. Wells smiled and gave Katie a gentle hug. She greeted Alex and then spoke again to Carolyn and Mike. "He's really a delight to have in class. You have a wonderful young man, there!" The Logans beamed at her, and at Andy. Mrs. Wells went back into her classroom, and the group wandered down the hall.

"Where's Bobby?" Mike asked.

"He's working tonight. He and Battista are closing in on a suspect." She pointed in the direction of the cafeteria. "The PTA always serves ice cream at these things," she said.

Cheerfully, the little group headed for the school cafeteria together. When they thought no one was looking, the Logans stole a kiss. Alex smiled to see them so happy together.

* * *

Alex awoke instantly, summoned by her pitiful cry. She threw the covers aside and ran to Katie's room, where her daughter was curled into a ball and crying. Alex registered that she was feverish and wrapped her arms around her just in time to get vomited on.

* * *

"Again?" Bobby asked, breathless and trying to shake off the thick sleep he'd been in. He got up and put Katie in the bath while Alex took a quick shower of her own. Bobby wrapped her in a towel and carried her to his bed. He laid her down and threw some covers over her. "You stay warm and I'll go find you some pajamas," he instructed. As an afterthought, he asked, "Are you still feeling sick?"

She shook her head.

"You're not going to throw up?"

Again she shook her head. "No, Daddy."

He kissed her wet curls. "All right, I'll be right back."

Alex emerged from the shower and hastily threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. She paused to check on Katie, and then went to get a dose of Tylenol for her.

Bobby returned and tossed the clean underwear and pajamas to his wife. Then, without a word, he went back to Katie's room to clean up the mess.

By three a.m., they were all asleep together in the master bedroom.

* * *

This time, Alex was able to stay home with Katie, at least for one day. She'd gone in only long enough to retrieve some paperwork, and then settled in for the day while Bobby went to the office.

Katie was miserable. It was strep throat again. Alex watched her daughter listlessly watching movies on the couch, and tried to concentrate on her work.

At noon, Bobby called. At 1:00, Carolyn called. At 2:00, Alex's sister called. Only it wasn't about Katie.

"Goren," he said into the phone.

"Bobby, it's my Dad!"

He could barely understand her, but he got the gist of what she was saying.

"Bobby, I have to get over there. I have to know…"

He pressed his fingers into his closed eyes. "I… Let me talk to Ross. I'll be there as soon as I can. Can Mike or Carolyn help with Katie?"

"She's got strep, Bobby! They won't want Andy—"

"You're right. Okay. I'll… I'll get out of here as soon as I can."

* * *

He barely walked in the door and she was in his arms. "Go, Alex. Call me."

She kissed him quickly and hurried out the door.

* * *

Bobby gave Katie her medicine and put her to bed. As he started to clean up the apartment, he was surprised when Alex walked in. He stood still, both hands full of dirty dishes.

"He's… he's okay for now," she said. "They told us all to go home." When she moved close enough, he kissed her cheek. "How's Katie?"

"Miserable," he said. "I just put her to bed."

Alex went to her daughter's room and Bobby finished with the dishes.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I didn't intend to leave you with… everything… again."

Bobby pulled her close. "Knit together," he whispered.

"What?" she asked, pulling back far enough to search his eyes.

"Your Dad. He said that to me once, that families were 'knit together.' I guess this… I guess this is how it happens. One needle point at a time."

Slowly, she leaned forward, her head resting against the steady beat of his heart. The anxiety was set aside, and secure in Bobby's arms, she found solace.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

When Katie caught strep for the third time in two months, Alex made an appointment with a specialist. Bobby met her at the Doctor's office, and they heard his opinion together.

"If we remove her tonsils and her adenoids, she shouldn't get sick so often," he explained.

"Won't she just become more immune over time?" Bobby asked.

"Possibly. Mr. Goren, I've done this many times. I can't tell you how many children it's helped. Think about your family for a minute. You're probably at your wits end, worried about Katie, missing work, taking it out on each other…"

Alex and Bobby shared a look.

"Most kids miss a few days of school and within ten days, they're good as new. Would you rather keep fighting this infection over and over, or have a simple surgery and get back to your life?"

They asked a few more questions, and promised to call in a few days with their decision.

* * *

Three weeks later, Katie was in the hospital, being prepped for surgery. "We'll be waiting for you when the doctors are finished," Alex told her cheerfully.

Katie hugged her stuffed rabbit and looked first at her mother, and then her father.

Bobby could see she was scared. He held Katie's small hand in his, and wrapped his other arm around Alex. "We'll be waiting for you, baby girl," he said. They each gave her a kiss and said "I love you."

She was nearly asleep when they wheeled her back into the operating room. Alex turned to Bobby and he held her. It was just a tonsillectomy, but someone was about to take a knife to their little girl, and it was terrifying.

* * *

At home that night, Katie was propped up against pillows in her bedroom. The spare cot was set up in her room as well. Alex was sitting on it now, watching her little girl sleep, when she heard the Logans' voices in the living room.

Bobby was saying, "She's resting, but you can go in if you want."

"Andy, you stay here with Uncle Bobby," Mike said firmly.

The two made it to the doorway when Carolyn suddenly veered off course. Alex could hear her retching in the bathroom. "Is she sick?" Alex asked, worried about Carolyn, but also about her daughter catching something.

Mike realized her fears immediately. "Oh, no, uh… " He cleared his throat. "She's just, uh… we're…"

She realized he didn't seem worried at all. Alex's smile spread across her face. "Mike! Are you pregnant?"

"Well, no, not me… but… well, yeah."

Alex squealed quietly and gave her friend a warm hug. "Congratulations!"

Carolyn appeared in the doorway, and she received a hug, too.

* * *

Thanksgiving had arrived, and the Goren family had plans to spend a good part of the day with John Eames. Katie had bounced back after surgery, and was back to her usual rambunctious self.

"Daddy, did you know Thanksgiving is _always _on Thursday?"

"Yes, honey, I did know that."

"How come my birthday changes every year? I wish it was always on Saturday. Then I wouldn't ever have to go to school on my birthday and I could just play all day long."

He was about to explain the reason why, when he realized she'd already moved on.

"And since Thanksgiving is always on Thursday, we always get to stay home from school for Thanksgiving!"

"I thought you liked school."

"I do, but I like to stay home and play, better."

He smiled at her and checked the text message on his phone. Battista, with no family close by, was spending the holiday working. He was about to go off half-cocked again; Bobby could tell.

Any other time, Goren could have invited him to join the family for Thanksgiving, but this year, the focus was Alex's dad, and that wasn't something you invited people along for.

He texted his partner back, and insisted he keep him posted. Alex walked up behind him and dropped her hands over the couch and over his broad shoulders. She kissed his cheek. "What's going on?" She asked quietly.

"Aw, Freddie." By now he didn't have to say much more than that. Alex had heard enough about Bobby's partner to know he was exasperating. "He's… he's on the verge, Alex."

She frowned, and had the same fleeting thought as Bobby about Thanksgiving. "C'mon," she said, patting one hand against his shoulder. "We need to get going."

* * *

The nursing home was very accommodating. The Eames family was spilling out of John's room and into the halls. It was cold and snowy outside, so one of the nurses opened up the rec room and told them to feel free to use it.

Johnny Junior got his kids to round up the smaller ones and keep them entertained. They organized some activities, the highlight of which was a wheelchair race, while their parents talked with the family patriarch.

He wasn't well. He had a cough starting, and he was getting grumpier by the minute. Alex and Liz were sitting beside him while Melissa, Johnny, Bobby, and Terry hung back at his feet.

"Here, Dad, let me get you some water," Alex said, after the old man choked on a cough. She disappeared for a few minutes, refilling his pitcher. When she returned, Liz had an angry look on her face. Alex poured a glass of water for him and watching her sister.

Liz stepped away and told her husband, "I'm… going to go check on the kids."

Alex watched her leave, then looked at Bobby, who simply gestured at her father. "What did you say to her?" Alex demanded of the old man.

"Nothing. I just told her to stop hovering."

"Hovering? I suppose I'm next then, right? We're just trying to help, Dad. We want to take care of you."

"I don't need you to take care of me. Isn't that what you pay these damn nurses for?!"

Johnny cleared his throat. "Okay, let's just drop it. It's Thanksgiving, for Christ's sake! Dad, we came out here to visit and have a holiday with you, just like old times. If you're just going to piss everybody off, maybe we'd be better to go home."

"Can't have a holiday in a place like this," John muttered. "It's where people come to die."

His words hit everyone like a cold slap in the face. Bobby, in particular felt the sting of his words. He'd been forced to put his mother in long term care facility for years because of her mental illness. He quietly got up and stepped out of the room.

Alex sighed and followed after him. His long stride had him halfway down the hall already. "Bobby!" she called. "Bobby, wait." He stopped by the door to the court yard. Alex caught up to him and put a hand over his forearm. "Hey."

"He's right, you know," he said softly. "My mother told me that a thousand times. It's like fucking death row." With that, he stepped outside into the very wet snow that clung to his hair before it melted into it.

Alex stared at him a moment and then stepped outside with him. The cold prickled at her neck, and she shivered. "Bobby," she said, and tried to reach for him again.

"Just—I just need a minute, okay, Alex?" His voice softened. "Go back inside. I'm sure your Dad's feeling bad about it by now."

"It's cold out here," she warned him. Their coats were piled on a dresser in her father's room.

"I won't be long, I promise."

Alex nodded, folding her arms over her chest. She stared at him a moment, and then she went back inside.

Bobby leaned his back against the building, partially sheltered from the precipitation by the eaves. The sky was a solid gray. The half-flooded ground fought valiantly to keep from turning white with the snow. He stood watching the big flakes fall in between the clouds of his breath. He stood until he couldn't feel the bite of the cold against his face.

"Uncle Bobby?" Calvin called to him. "They said something about dinner," he told him.

Bobby turned and followed the young man inside.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The cafeteria had prepared a thanksgiving meal. It wasn't the same as at home, but a reasonable facsimile. Mr. Eames was confined to his bed, so Johnny Junior stayed with him while the others helped the kids get trays and sit down to eat.

"Is she behaving for you?" Alex asked her niece, Lori.

"Sure, she is!" Lori said happily, and gave Katie a quick and vigorous back rub. "Aren't you, BFF?"

Katie grinned. "Mommy, Lori's in college," she said, obviously quite impressed with her accomplishment.

"I know, Katie. Lori's pretty cool, isn't she?" Katie nodded, and Alex turned back to her niece. "She just had her tonsils out. She should be fine, but keep an eye on her. You know, if something scrapes in there…" Alex gestured to her throat and Lori nodded. "I'm going to stay with Grampa."

Alex got herself a tray and wandered back to her father's room. Bobby was already there, his half-eaten tray beside him and his eyes glued to the screen of his cell phone. His cheeks were still flushed from his time in the cold. As she walked by, she put the back of her hand against his cheek, earning her a curious look.

Alex gave him a small smile and sat in a chair beside her Dad with her tray. The old man was sitting up, picking at the remaining food on his tray. "This isn't bad," she said, after she took her first bite of turkey.

"It isn't good, either," he grumped.

Her head jerked up, and she saw the smile on his face. He was teasing. "I'm sorry about earlier," he said, and then he coughed.

Once the fit was over, he looked over at her again.

She smiled at him. "Who would have ever guessed you'd be a grumpy old man?"

"Nate did," he said, grinning.

Puzzled, she stared at him.

"Remember he used to call me Grumpa?"

Everyone in the room laughed, including Bobby. He got to his feet and showed his wife his latest text message. She gave him a knowing glance and he shoved the phone in his pocket, then dug through the pile of coats to withdraw his own. Bobby stepped forward and put his hand on his father-in-law's bony shoulder. "I… I just got a call out," he said. "Happy Thanksgiving, Dad."

"I'll walk you out," Alex said, leaving her tray on the chair and following Bobby out the door. "You watch your ass," she told him in the hallway.

"Don't worry," Bobby replied, and kissed her lips. "I'll go say goodbye to Katie."

* * *

"You're vested?" Battista asked as Bobby approached. The snow was now peppered with hail, and Bobby had swapped his overcoat for his oversized service jacket, the only thing that would fit over the Kevlar.

Bobby nodded and pulled the knitted cap down closer to his brow.

"I've got two units coming in for backup. I called the Captain, he knows what's going down."

Bobby took in the information and nodded. Battista was learning. "Good."

As they waited for the backup to arrive, a shot was fired inside the apartment building. Both men drew their sidearms and hurried inside. Freddie took the lead.

"Police!" Freddie yelled. "Drop the weapon! Drop the weapon!"

The guy was obviously high. He kept the gun trained on them both and nervously shifted his weight.

Bobby broke away from his partner, hugging the wall to his left, his gun ever at the ready.

Freddie watched Bobby's movement out of the corner of his eye. He took a slow breath and tried to calm himself. He'd watched Goren with difficult suspects enough times in the last few months to learn a few things. He lowered his voice and purposely slowed down. "Put the weapon down."

Goren noticed the change in his partner and nodded encouragingly. He continued to slowly move along the wall in the direction of the gunman.

Bobby reached the woman who was bleeding on the floor. He squatted down slowly and checked her pulse with his right hand. Then, rising again, he took two stealthy steps closer to their perp.

"Set the gun down," Battista said. "C'mon," he coaxed, his voice very calm.

"Gotta get out, gotta get out, you're all after me!" The man's voice was high pitched. He was agitated and unpredictable.

One more step, and Bobby holstered his weapon. He counted to three, then grabbed the man, immobilizing his arm, gun pointed at the ceiling, with both hands. Battista stepped in immediately and punched the guy in the throat. The gun skittered to the floor and he fell, coughing and sputtering. Bobby kicked the gun away, secured his hands behind his back, and cuffed him. "Clear!" He and Freddie shouted together.

As the uniformed officers took the perp away, Bobby stared at the ceiling, wondering who might be living upstairs. He felt Freddie's arm pat his shoulder. "It's okay. You did it." Goren exhaled and slowly got to his feet.

* * *

"Grampa liked my picture," Katie said with a satisfied smile. She looked in the rearview mirror at her mother.

Alex smiled, too. Her daughter had drawn a picture of a turkey by tracing the fingers of her hand. She'd colored it and presented it to her grandfather just before they left the nursing home. He'd really made over it, and asked Alex to tack it on the wall by his bed. Even with all the ups and downs, it had been a good day.

"Is Daddy coming home soon?" Katie asked.

"I don't know, honey."

"I miss him."

"I do, too."

"I know! We can both make pictures of turkeys for Daddy!"

Alex chuckled. "I'm not sure I know how," she said.

"I'll show you, Mommy! You just trace your hand, but you have to hold the paper very still and make sure your hand doesn't slip or else all the feathers will be messed up and then you'll have to start over."

"As soon as we get home," Alex said, "I'll get some paper and you can show me how."

* * *

When Bobby got home, the apartment was dark. He headed for the kitchen and found two thanksgiving turkeys waiting for him on the table. One was much bigger than the other, and the coloring was neatly in the lines. He read the note that stretched across both pages. "Happy Thanksgiving, Daddy! We love you!"

He smiled and tacked them both to the refrigerator. Then he grabbed a paper and traced his own hand.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Bobby and Mike stood elbow to elbow, watching the kids working to build a snowman. "Have you told Andy yet?" Bobby asked. He knew Carolyn and Mike hadn't shared the news of her pregnancy at first.

Mike shook his head. "The uh… the doctor says it's high risk. You remember how she bled when she had Andy?"

Bobby nodded. He was the one who'd had to break the news to Mike.

"So, uh," Mike began, digging a hole in the snow with the toe of his shoe, "we're waiting to tell Andy until… it's pretty certain that…"

Bobby nodded. "You don't want him to be disappointed if—"

"Yeah, you know." He granted Bobby a brief moment of eye contact.

"How is Carolyn?" Bobby asked, more concerned for her emotionally than physically.

"Good," Mike said, nodding. "She's good. Looking forward to another one."

"You?"

Mike looked down and shook his head. "I don't know, man. You know how it is… it's just not real, you know? But it is. And already, I think about what he'll be like and what it'll feel like to hold him and then I think if I lose Carolyn then—" Mike kicked at the pile of snow he'd created, erasing the thought from his mind and the words from the air surrounding them. "And, look at _him_." He jerked his head in the direction of his very happy son. "How could I possibly love another kid the way I love him?"

Bobby looked down and nodded. He'd thought the same thing about his daughter many times.

"Daddy, it's too heavy!" Andy cried, pushing the ball of snow with his entire little body.

"You just have to put in some elbow grease," Mike said, hurrying over to help his child. "Like this, let me show you." He pretended the snowball was too heavy for him, groaning and straining and coming at it from different positions. Katie was interested, now, too. "I need some help with this!" Mike cried, and the two children got into position to push it along with him. "On the count of three!" Mike shouted. "One! Two! Three!" The ball rolled easily, picking up more snow on it as it went.

* * *

"It's a miracle," Bobby said, staring at his wife in amazement.

"It's 13 below," she said. She came in and peeled off her winter gear. "You know even the criminals don't like the cold."

He smiled. "You always say that." After she hung her coat, he took her in his arms and kissed her. "I'm glad you're home early."

"Where's Katie?"

"Oh, she's in her room, listening to that cd again."

Alex went down the hall to collect a hug from her daughter while Bobby went back to cooking dinner. When his wife came back in, she was laughing.

"What?" Bobby inquired, with a grin of his own.

"She's singing along. I'm afraid she inherited my ability to carry a tune."

"I'll get her a bucket for Christmas."

They laughed together, and Alex found herself in his arms again. "This is nice," she said, eyes closed, enjoying the feel of his arms around her.

"I can think of something nicer," he whispered, and snuck his left hand into the back of her pants.

Alex growled with pleasure, but warned him, "You know Katie could walk in at any minute."

"I'll tell her I'm checking your size." He was surprised and jerked back when he felt her hand give his groin a gentle pinch. "What are you doing?" He laughed.

"Just checking your size," she smiled.

Knowing they couldn't go that far until Katie was asleep, he carefully moved Alex's hand away and held it against his chest. His kiss was deep, with a promise of more. The oven timer went off, and he broke away to retrieve the chicken before it burned.

* * *

It had been a long time. Not for lack of interest, but it had been very hard to get all the ingredients together—time, place, energy, and emotion. Bobby, who usually fell asleep after his climax, was blissfully awake this time. Alex lay comfortably, with her head on his chest, his left arm resting along the length of her, his fingers tracing slow swirls on the cheek of her behind.

The tranquil buzz hadn't even worn off yet when her phone rang. Accustomed to years of inconvenient call-outs, Bobby let her loose and she climbed out of bed to find her phone. She checked the screen before she answered. "Liz?!" A glance at the clock told Alex it was past eleven.

Bobby sat up and hung on her every word. He couldn't make out what her sister was saying, but he could hear her frantic tone.

"Okay, okay, Liz, I'll be right over. Yeah. I know." She hung up and looked desperately at her husband. "It's Dad. He's got pneumonia."

Bobby helped her gather some clothes and pulled on a pair of sweats himself. "You want me to come?" He asked.

"No, let Katie sleep. I'll call you, if… if they think it's… "

He simply nodded, relieving her of having to speak of the dreaded possibility. Bobby held her coat for her and made sure she had her gloves, hat, and scarf. He kept his arm around her until she kissed him in the doorway. "I love you," he said with a kiss.

"You too," she said. She took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her lover and drawing strength from it. Then she turned and hurried out of the apartment.

* * *

A/N In America, when someone is a bad singer, we say they can't carry a tune in a bucket. I'm not sure if you folks from other countries would get that part.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Hey, thanks for watching her for us," Bobby said to Carolyn. "Are you up to it?" He asked.

"I'm fine, Bobby. Mike just worries too much."

"Katie, come give me a kiss, I have to go," Bobby called.

The little girl ran and stood before her father with her lips puckered and her eyes shut.

Bobby chuckled and kissed her. "You be good for the Logans," he said. "Either Mommy or I will be here to pick you up later."

"Okay, Daddy."

* * *

John Eames was on his side, coughing in his sleep. Oxygen was being supplied, as well as an IV. Alex rose from the chair and hugged her husband as soon as she saw him.

"How is he?" Bobby asked.

"He's on a strong antibiotic," she said. "They think it'll take care of it, but they have to watch him closely to make sure things don't get worse."

Bobby looked over at the old man, noticing again how thin and bony he was becoming. "Your brother and sister?" He asked.

"Liz went home for dinner, but she's going to come back and sit with him tonight. Johnny is coming back tomorrow morning."

Bobby nodded. "Are you okay?" He whispered quietly.

She nodded. "They're taking good care of him."

It was now 4:00 p.m. By his reckoning, Liz would be back between nine and ten. He looked over at his wife. "I'll get us some dinner and bring it back here," he said.

"Thanks," she said.

* * *

After dinner, they sat holding hands and sharing a large cup of coffee. Mr. Eames was sleeping, and the nurses assured them that he was doing as well as could be expected.

"Do you remember that time Ben was trying to get Cal to fly off Dad's back porch? I thought he was going to blow, but instead, he convinced the boys to help him—"

"Carry a mattress out from the garage, yeah, I remember, I was the one carrying the mattress. Ben couldn't have been more than 12 at the time. You know, they were trying to help, but it was too awkward and too heavy for them to manage." Bobby handed her the coffee and stretched his arm out over her shoulders. "We set it down at the edge of the porch, and then the boys went wild, launching themselves onto it."

Alex had a spark in her eye when she looked at her husband. "That was before we—"

He nodded. "A few years before. I guess you must have felt sorry for me, you know, no family to enjoy labor day with."

"I wonder why he had a mattress in the garage?" She mused.

"He'd just gotten a new one. I helped him take it to the dump the next weekend."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Logan, too."

"You know what I remember?"

"What?"

"I remember, that time I had to stay with him after the heart attack? You remember, you were pregnant with Katie."

"Yeah, I remember."

"We had a long talk. He knew I loved you, Alex. He knew before I did, I think."

Alex smiled. "You knew, Bobby, you just didn't want to admit it."

Bobby was quiet a long time. "He came to Mom's funeral. And Frank's. It really meant a lot to me. It didn't feel like… like he only came because of you, you know?"

"He loves you, Bobby."

* * *

"Carolyn, we're out of milk!" Mike called from behind the open refrigerator door.

"Just give them juice instead," she said.

"I would, but I was planning to feed them cereal."

"For dinner? Mike, you can do better than that."

"What else do we have? It's getting late to cook something."

Carolyn came into the kitchen and opened one of the cabinets. She stood before her husband and set down the jar of peanut butter with a mighty thunk. "Bread's on the counter, jelly's in the fridge. They'll be happy as clams. Trust me."

He kissed her. "You're a genius."

Carolyn went back into the living room to referee the kids' hot wheels races.

* * *

The old man coughed, and looked at Bobby with watery eyes. "Alex?" He asked.

"She's downstairs, showing Liz where the good coffee is," Bobby explained. "Do you need the nurse, Dad?"

He shook his head. "Bobby," he said, "I want to talk to you."

Bobby nodded.

"Alex is hard headed," he said. "She likes to take charge," he continued.

"Don't I know it?" Bobby joked.

Eames, however seemed serious. "It's when she's hurting that she fights the most," he said. "She doesn't mean to, it's just her nature."

Bobby nodded soberly.

"You can't let her drive you away," he said.

"I would never leave Alex," Bobby said.

"I'm not—" The old man was interrupted by a coughing fit. "I'm not talking about that. I mean, when she's hurting. She'll fight you, try to drive you away, but you can't go, Bobby, even if you're hurting, too. That's when she needs you the most."

Bobby found himself wondering how much the old man knew of their problems the last several months. Had Alex told him something? Or maybe Liz?

The old man's cough was longer and harder, and Bobby was shaken from his thoughts. He rubbed his hand against the man's back, wishing he could make it stop.

"You're the only one," he said, his voice weakening as he spoke, "who she'll trust."

The girls came in, coffees in hand and laughing. "Dad! You're awake!" Alex said cheerfully.

* * *

Katie was asleep on Logan's couch, a spare blanket thrown over her. The room was dark except for one lamp and the light of the barely audible tv. Logan spoke in a quiet voice. "She's been out for about an hour," he said.

"Thanks, Mike," Alex said. "We really appreciate the help."

Bobby roused his daughter enough to get her winter coat on her.

"How cold is it?" Mike asked.

The Gorens were both wearing winter hats and gloves. "Pretty cold," Bobby said. Katie was already asleep in his arms, her little face nestled against his neck.

Mike tossed the blanket over her. "Here, take this with you. You can bring it back another day."

Bobby smiled. "Thanks, Mike." Logan held the door open while his friends went out into the cold.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Bobby's phone rang at 4 a.m. Alex shook him awake. "Bobby. Bobby, your phone," she mumbled.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he found it on top of his dresser and answered the call. "Goren," he said without looking. His bleary eyes couldn't have read the words on the display, anyway.

"Bobby, I need to bring Andy over."

"Yeah, okay Mike, what's wrong?!" Bobby asked, suddenly fully alert.

"It's Carolyn, I need to get her to the ER. We'll be there in a few minutes."

"Okay." He hung up.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, sitting up straight in bed.

"Carolyn. Mike's taking her to the hospital."

* * *

They'd already cried a river of tears. They'd admitted her, hoping to save the baby, but it was too late. Now Mike paced while Carolyn changed from her hospital gown back into her clothes and they waited for the discharge paperwork.

She sat with her feet dangling over the side of the bed, and he silently rubbed her back. Eyes red-rimmed, Mike stared at a scratch in the paint on the wall and robotically moved his hand against her back.

"Where are they?" She asked, irritated.

Mike snapped out of the trance he'd been in. "They're coming. It always takes forever," he said.

"I want to go home. I need to go home. I need… Andy," she said and her chest heaved with sobs once again.

Mike caught Carolyn up in his arms again, and shed even more tears. "Soon, Carolyn. We'll see him soon." Once she'd settled again, he found her socks and shoes and helped her put them on.

* * *

Bobby carried the boy up the steps and rang the doorbell. Alex and Katie followed on his heels. Mike opened the door and Andy immediately crawled from his Uncle Bobby to his Daddy. Mike closed his eyes and kissed the boy on the temple. "Oh, Andy," he said, carrying him inside as the Gorens came in behind him. Mike sat down with Andy and pushed him back until they were eye to eye with each other.

"Andy," Mike said. "Something sad happened. Your Mommy, she's hurt, and she's very sad, and she really needs you to help her feel better."

"I can help Mommy," he offered cheerfully.

"I…I know you can, son. Mommy's in bed right now, and I want you to go give her a hug. Be careful of Mommy's tummy, it's sore, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy!" Andy scampered into his parents' bedroom, with Mike watching, sad but proud.

He felt Alex's hands slide around his back, and he accepted the hug. "I'm so sorry, Mike," she said.

Bobby picked up Katie. With her secure in one arm, he used the other to grip Mike's shoulder. "You need us, you call us," Bobby said firmly.

Mike nodded. He released Alex, and quickly glanced at each of them. "I just need to be with them, I think."

With affectionate pats, they expressed their sorrow and took Katie home.

* * *

Katie couldn't understand why everyone was so sad. She tried her best to cheer them up. They would smile politely, but nothing would shake the unhappy mood that had descended on her family.

Alex made a simple dinner, and they ate in relative silence. Katie chattered about some of the things she had done with Andy, but her parents didn't have much to say.

Frustrated, she went to her room and played with her toys alone. Bobby and Alex sat together in stunned silence on the couch. When they finally spoke, their voices were nearly whispers. "Mike said he was worried this might happen."

"I can't imagine what Carolyn must be feeling."

"It could have been much worse. There was a chance that she could…"

"Yes, thank God they still have each other." Alex's hand searched until it found his. They held each other's fingers tightly. "Thank God they have Andy. Mike was right, he's the only one who can help her right now."

Bobby nodded, and the two fell back into silence.

* * *

"Goren," Bobby said, as he finished typing a sentence into the report on his computer. As soon as he heard the voice, he stopped working and focused on listening.

"Bobby, I have to take Carolyn in for a… a procedure. Can you pick up Andy from school and keep him until later tonight?"

"Yeah, sure, Mike. No problem. Do you mind if I ask what kind of procedure?"

There was a pause, and he could hear Mike's breath as he walked through the house. Bobby heard the squeak of the door and the click as it latched.

"She has to have a D & C. The doctor wants to make sure there's…" He cleared his throat, "nothing in there, you know, that would cause an infection or anything."

"Oh. Okay, Mike. We'll do whatever you need. I'll pick up the kids together, and you just take however much time you need."

"I'll call you. I think she's gonna want Andy around when it's over, you know?"

"Okay." Bobby listened to the line go dead, and abruptly left his desk, leaving his partner to wonder what was going on. He walked down the hall and then ducked into the stairwell. He went down two floors and ducked into an empty conference room. He closed the door and called his wife.

* * *

"Pizza!" Alex called cheerfully, for the children's benefit. As they shouted and jumped with excitement, Bobby took the boxes from her hands. The look that passed between them was full of meaning. He gave her a kiss and led the way to the kitchen table, with the children dancing at his heels.

After dinner, they got out the play-dough and the kids worked for nearly an hour, making little pizzas of their own. When Mike arrived, Andy ran for him like a shot and jumped into his arms.

"Hey, little man," Mike said with a smile. "You ready to go home?"

He grinned and nodded, hugging his Daddy.

"Okay, go get your coat," Mike told him, and set him on his feet. Bobby and Alex looked at him expectantly. "She's okay. He's putting her on some medication for endometriosis. If the medicine doesn't work, she might need surgery, but he says to give it time."

Bobby gave him a quick hug, and then Alex gave him a long one. They asked him to give Carolyn their messages of love, and then they hugged and kissed Mike's little boy goodbye.

Once they were gone, Bobby and Alex hugged each other.

"Can I watch the princess movie?" Katie asked.

Without moving from the embrace, they both said, "yes."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Hey, Babe," Mike said, sitting down on the bed and easing an arm around her. "You didn't eat much."

"I don't feel like it," she said quietly.

He nodded and tightened his arm around her, pressing his cheek against her head. "But you did try, right?"

She nodded. "I tried."

"Andy was asking if you'll come out and watch a movie with us. You know, like we always do."

She didn't want to move. She didn't want to get back up out of bed. She felt Mike's lips against her temple, and she thought about what he said. "Andy asked?"

"Yeah. I think he… I think it'll help him feel more secure…"

To Mike's surprise, she slowly worked her way to her feet. He gave her a small smile and followed behind her, his hands pressed lovingly against her shoulders.

Mike helped her get comfortable on the couch, and watched Andy scoot in next to her, where Carolyn could easily put her arm around him. "Mommy, you pick this time," Andy said.

Carolyn smiled at the generosity of her son and kissed him on the cheek. "No, son, you pick. I just can't decide tonight."

"I like Cars," he said. "Can we watch Cars?" He looked at his mother, and then his father.

"Cars would be great, Andy!" Mike said with a grin. He set the movie up in the player and then squeezed in beside his son. He dropped his arm onto the back of the couch and gently ran his fingers through his wife's hair.

* * *

Carolyn moved her hand over her still sore abdomen and felt at once as if she were nothing more than an empty shell. Her heart provided only a constant wrenching pain, and her eyes were so swollen she could feel their every movement. Mike shifted beside her, and his hand brushed against her side as he slept.

For a moment, she was angry. How could he possibly sleep? They'd lost their _child!_ Guilt and remorse accosted her. He had fallen apart in the hospital. As the doctor had explained to them what was happening, she'd felt his fingers grow stiff against her hand, she'd felt them trembling. And when the doctor had left the room, he'd gathered her into his embrace and matched her grief, sob for heartbreaking sob.

How could she be angry with him? One of them had to function, for Andy's sake. Andy didn't know what had happened. Andy couldn't possibly understand, and their young son deserved to be as carefree and happy as he possibly could.

The anger was gone as soon as it appeared, and her thoughts turned to Andy. She remembered the first time she'd held him, weary and groggy from the ordeal of childbirth. His newborn cries had been the sweetest sound she'd ever heard, until she heard Mike speak his name hours later, when he first met their son.

She remembered Mike that night, awestruck by the spark of life lying helpless and trusting in the crook of his muscular arm. She remembered how he'd set aside the pain and exhaustion of a newly earned concussion and simply been happy. For a long time, he'd focused on Andy and her until his body simply couldn't keep it up, and Bobby had stepped in to help him.

Andy was a miracle. His birth had brought them together in a closer bond than she'd ever imagined possible. She and Mike had grown because of him. They were more responsible, more patient, more content than they had ever been before. Because of Andy, they had also grown in their commitment to each other.

Carolyn sighed silently. Nothing would heal this tear in her heart, this barren cavern in her womb. She would have to learn to live with the pain. For Andy, she would find the strength to get up in the morning. She would keep living: for Andy, and for Mike.

Her resolve didn't keep the tears from falling another time. She turned away from Mike and tried to keep quiet, but her body betrayed her by starting to shake.

He moved closer and his arm dropped over her side, his hand coming up to grip her shoulder. He kept her from coming apart at the seams.

* * *

"Mommy, when is Santa Claus coming?" Katie asked.

"One more week, baby girl."

"And he knows how to get in, even though we don't have a chimney?"

"He got in last year, didn't he?"

Katie stopped and thought. "Yes, he did."

Alex grinned. "Santa is magic, honey. He has his ways…" Her phone rang, and she saw it was Bobby. "Hi hon," she said.

"We're wrapping things up, over here," he told her. He'd stayed at work late, but he was checking in often. They had plans to go visit John Eames as a family tonight. He'd been out of the hospital for a couple of weeks, and seemed to have rebounded a little.

"I can bring Katie and we can pick you up."

"Sounds great!"

"Okay, we'll see you soon. Love you."

"Love you, too."

* * *

"Hi Dad," Alex called cheerfully, as Katie hurried in and hopped up to her spot on the side of his bed.

The old man secured his granddaughter with a hand around her waist and accepted a kiss from his daughter. Bobby came forward and shook his left hand, since his right was occupied with Katie.

"Good to see you, Dad," Bobby said.

"Christmas is coming," Alex announced. She gave her Dad a wink and nodded subtly in Katie's direction. "Will Santa be coming here to see you?"

The old man picked up on her cues. "I don't know… There is a Christmas tree down in the cafeteria… but we don't have a chimney. I'm not sure how he'll get in."

"Santa's magic, Grampa. He can find a way. He got into our apartment last year. He can get in here."

"I hope so," The old man said.

"Did you write him a letter?" Katie asked.

"Not this year," said John. "I couldn't decide what I wanted most."

"I asked him for a microphone. I'm gonna be a singer when I grow up!"

Bobby and Alex shared an excited grin.

"A singer! Wow!" Said John. "I hope I'm not too late. What if he doesn't bring me anything, since I didn't write him a letter?"

"You can still write a letter, Grampa. Mommy has an office. She can fax it to him."

The old man laughed a hearty laugh, raising the spirits of everyone.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"We can come over there, if it's better," Goren said.

Mike shook his head. "Yeah, okay... Maybe around lunch? That'll give everybody time to open presents."

"Yeah. Sounds good," Bobby said. "How is she?" he asked.

"Better. I don't know what happened, but she just got up and started, well, you know, living again. She still doesn't smile much, but I've seen Andy get one out of her a couple of times."

"And you?"

Mike was silent. He hated talking about his feelings. "I'm getting by."

"You need anything, Mike, you call."

"I know."

"I'll see you Christmas."

"Yeah, see you then."

* * *

Mike and Andy opened the door together, and Andy immediately gave Katie a hug. The adults just stood and watched the children, smiling. A cold wind kicked up and Mike shivered. He put a hand on his son. "It's pretty cold out there, c'mon in," he said. The kids separated and the Gorens came in the house and started shedding their coats.

"Andy, Santa came!"

"I know! Come see what he brought me!" both kids scampered to the Christmas tree, and Andy showed her his gifts as they shouted their conversation in their excitement.

Mike, Bobby, Carolyn, and Alex all traded hugs before settling in the living room for conversation. Bobby carried in a couple of gifts and set them by the tree.

"We can eat anytime," Mike explained. "It's just ham sandwiches."

"Sounds terrific!" Alex said.

"Hey, this is for me!" Andy shouted. "And Daddy, this one says 'Mike'!"

Mike nodded. "Go ahead and open yours, son. Wow, that's a big one."

Bobby reached into his pocket and pulled out a small gift. After Andy opened his remote control frontloader, Bobby pressed it into her hand.

"Oh, you didn't have to," she said, looking at both of the Gorens. Andy dropped Mike's into his lap, but he waited for Carolyn to open hers.

Inside the box was a necklace. The pendant was a heart shaped locket, and inside was tucked a tiny picture of Andy's face. Dangling gently beside the locket was another pendant, a tiny heart. Carolyn was speechless. Tears welled in her eyes, and Mike put his arm around her. Bobby lifted the necklace and fastened it around her neck, kissing her cheek as he drew back.

Carolyn rose and thanked them, then retreated to her room. Alex followed her, as Andy pressured Mike to open his gift.

Alex knocked gently on the moulding that edged the doorframe. "Carolyn?"

She was standing in front of the nightstand, hugging herself. "It was a beautiful gift, Alex. Thank you."

There was a glaring lack of emotion in her voice. Alex stepped forward and put her hand on her friend's shoulder. She had no words, but she knew Carolyn needed her.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," Carolyn said. "We were… we were going to tell Andy about the baby at Christmas." She paused and Alex squeezed her shoulder. "He would have been a great big brother. He's so tender-hearted."

After a long silence, Carolyn spoke again. "I'll never be the same, Alex."

"I know," Alex whispered, and leaned her head against her friend's.

"It's so hard… I have to get up. I have to keep going. I'll have to go back to work."

"I know it's hard," Alex agreed.

"But I have to. Andy needs a mother, even if I don't feel like one."

"You're a terrific mother, Carolyn."

"And Mike… I don't know how he does it."

"He's hurting, too," Alex said.

"I know he is." It was a whisper, and the last thing she was able to say before she folded up in Alex's embrace and cried on her shoulder.

* * *

The kids were having a ball, playing with Andy's new toys. He'd given Katie a gift, too, a princess game of some kind. For the moment, she was more interested in his front-loader.

Mike glanced back at the bedroom often, but determined to let the women alone. He convinced Bobby it was time for sandwiches and set to work building them. Bobby came in to offer his assistance and both men were relieved when their wives' voices could be heard laughing with the children.

Mike smiled. "Christmas," he said, hoping the word could begin to mean something cheerful once again.

* * *

Bobby cupped her face with both hands and brought his mouth to hers. His tongue brushed against hers until he abruptly pulled away, staring into her eyes.

She knew that stare, and she returned it with an intensity to match his. Her hands slid under his shirt and his arms stretched over her shoulders and down her back to land pleasantly against the curves of her behind.

Alex's nose was against his collarbone. She turned her head and her lips tasted his salty skin. She kissed a line across his neck until he hungrily took her mouth with his.

* * *

Alex had a Captain's meeting on the 26th. Still tingling from the night before, she ran her fingers along his whiskers and kissed him goodbye. "I'll call you later," she said.

Bobby busied himself cleaning up the rest of the remnants of wrapping paper from the day before and tidying up the toys scattered across the room. He was cooking eggs for himself and Katie when he heard an amplified and giggly voice singing behind him. He turned around to see her daughter performing a solo with the microphone Santa had brought her. Bobby grinned, and when she was finished, he applauded.

He walked in and with her permission, took the mic from her hand. "Superstar Kate," he said, "Breakfast is ready."

She laughed and followed him to the kitchen.

* * *

"Hey," Bobby said.

His voice was gentle and full of love, and Alex hated that she was about to destroy his happy mood. "Hi. There's been a bombing. I'm going to have to stay."

His mind wanted all the facts. Mindful that Katie was nearby, he asked Alex questions, but kept his comments to himself.

"We're teaming with Major Case and the FBI. It's gonna be intense," she said.

"I'll call Ross."

"You know they won't put you on it with me, Bobby."

He frowned. "I'll call Ross," he repeated.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Come to the briefing, I'll see what I can do," Ross said.

"Captain," Bobby protested, a warning tone in his voice.

"Goren, don't push it. I'll do what I can. Now get your ass to the briefing." The Captain hung up in frustration.

Bobby hung up the phone and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. He heard Katie playing in the background, and he hesitated. He scrolled down the contact list and stopped at Carolyn's number, then he moved down again until he saw Lewis' name.

"Bobby! Hey buddy, Happy Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Lewis."

"Something wrong?" Lewis asked, picking up on his friend's serious tone.

"I… uh… I was wondering if you could do me a favor?"

"Sure, what?"

"I need you to keep Katie for me."

"Sure, Bobby."

"I-I don't know how long… uhm… it's work. Uhm… something's happened."

"Yeah, I saw it on the news. You wanna get in on the action."

"Yeah. Alex is already working."

"Bring her over, Bobby. Pack her a suitcase. We'll be fine."

"Thanks, Lewis. I owe you one."

* * *

The briefing had just begun when Goren made it into the room. He slipped into the back row and leaned against the wall. Alex tried to catch his gaze, but he purposely looked down at his binder, where he was scribbling notes.

The FBI agent wrapped up his speech and turned it over to Captain Eames. "My team has the crime scene about wrapped up. We'll get our final reports to the FBI and to Major Case, and the manhunt can go into full swing. At this time, we know the weapon was a pipe bomb, detonated by a cell phone. Eyewitnesses have identified this man…" She waited while the screen behind her was filled with a security camera photo of a man walking down the sidewalk. "As the one who planted the bomb. You'll notice his satchel matches the remnants found at the crime scene. Major Case already has everything we know about this man, and they will investigate his background. The FBI will coordinate the search."

Captain Ross stood in front of the microphone next. "I already have four of my detectives researching this. Once we get the go ahead from the FBI, we will take every precaution in the search for this perp. Fully armed, body armor, and most importantly, electronic silence. We don't want to set off another explosive."

The FBI agent wrapped up the briefing, and the officers all headed back to their own squads. Alex broke away from discussion with the FBI long enough to find Bobby. He could tell from her body language that she was furious.

As a Captain, she couldn't allow her anger to show. She put her palms down on the table in front of him and leaned over so she could speak to him eye to eye. "Where is she? You didn't ask the Logans, did you? They can't handle that right now."

Bobby tilted his head upward and locked his gaze on hers. "No, I didn't ask Mike and Carolyn. She's with Lewis."

"Bobby!" She fought to keep her voice at a near-whisper. "Fine. You came, you're in the loop now. Go get Katie and take her home."

"Lewis has her, she's fine."

It wasn't that Alex had anything against Lewis. He had watched Katie for them on a few occasions, but always short-term. Lewis' apartment was full of work that he brought home with him- on any given day, small car parts or tools could be found lying loose on the coffee table or any other table in the place. Alex worried that Katie would hurt herself.

While Alex fumed at him silently, Bobby picked up his binder and rose to his feet. He bent down close to Alex's ear. "I'm not sitting out on this one, Alex. Katie is in good hands."

"Bobby, this could take days!"

"I packed her a suitcase." With a good measure of his own anger, he turned and walked out of the briefing room. Alex folded her arms and watched him go, then returned to the group in the front, which consisted of Captain Ross, and two lead FBI agents.

* * *

"You're working this?" Mike asked him.

"Uh, yeah," Bobby said.

"Well, I'm not surprised. They just called Carolyn in."

"What?" Bobby was upset by this. "It's too soon, she's not ready to go back to work!"

"Actually, no… she's all right. She wanted to. I was worried at first, too, but I think it may actually do her some good." Mike paused for a moment and then continued, "So if Alex is working, and you're working, where's Katie?"

"Uh… I… I didn't want to bother you. I called Lewis."

"Oh. Well, Andy was hoping to play with her. Do you think Lewis would mind?"

"No, that's fine. I'll give you his number."

* * *

The manhunt began in the early afternoon. Ross had managed to get Bobby and Freddie added to the active teams. They surrounded an abandoned warehouse and after the public had been put on lockdown, they armored up and began to search the neighborhood.

Electronic silence meant no cell phones and no hand-held radios. All communication had to run through a landline phone they had commandeered from an office two doors down from the warehouse. The bomb squad inspected and cleared the doorway, and the first team moved in.

* * *

Alex didn't know exactly where Bobby was, but she knew he was in the action. As Captain, she had to stay back and coordinate efforts from her end. At this point, her squad was passively involved; all she could do was keep in the communication loop as best she could.

At 4:00, her phone rang, and for the first time she could remember, her heart was equally torn between her husband and her daughter. She hung up the phone and called in her top detective.

* * *

Mike, Lewis, and Andy were all at Katie's bedside in the ER when Alex rushed in. Alex ignored them all and rushed straight to her daughter. Alex lifted the ice pack from her forehead. A good sized goose-egg was on her forehead, and it was bruising nicely. "Katie, honey?"she asked as she replaced the ice pack.

"I'm sorry, Momma…" she said, opening and then closing her eyes.

Alex turned to the adults behind her, the question clearly written in between the lines of anger in her face.

"The sidewalk," Lewis said. "There was an icy patch."

"She was playing with Andy, and she slipped," Mike said. "It was an accident."

She heard them, and she understood them, but her baby was hurt and she was angry. "Just… you can go, now."

"Bye, Katie," Andy said.

Katie opened her eyes and the little boy blew her a kiss. "Bye, Andy," she said, and shut her eyes again. Lewis kissed the little girl's cheek and put a gentle hand on Alex's stiff shoulder. Mike kissed Katie, nodded to Alex, and then carried his son out of the room.

* * *

It was nearly 8:30 when Bobby made a harried arrival in the ER. He was led back to Alex and Katie, and he picked his little girl up and cradled her in his arms, kissing the unbruised skin on her head. He held her close and turned to Alex.

"It's a concussion," she said. "They're sending the discharge paperwork around now."

He kissed her again, and she opened her eyes. "Hi Daddy," she said miserably.

"Hi baby," he whispered back.

"I bumped my head."

"I know, honey." He felt her take a deep breath and she closed her eyes again.

"When you take her home tonight, these are the things you'll want to look for," the doctor explained, handing over an information sheet about concussions. "We already know she nauseated. If she vomits more than once, I would bring her back in. Wake her up about once every hour during the night, to make sure she's still responding to you. Give her a new ice pack once an hour, keep it on for about twenty minutes."

Alex signed the paperwork and gave the folder to the nurse. She helped Bobby get Katie's coat on, and he followed his wife, carrying their baby to the car.

* * *

The two didn't say much to each other. They got Katie in bed with a fresh ice pack and negotiated the schedule to check on her. Alex insisted on taking the first shift, and Bobby didn't argue with her. They stood on opposite sides of the room and changed into their pajamas. As Bobby pulled his shirt off, she saw a nasty bruise on his side.

"Bobby," she said.

"Hmmm?"

"What's this?" She asked, gesturing to his side.

"Oh. I… uh… I guess a bullet… I had my vest," he explained.

This was more than she could take. Alex sank onto the bed and dropped her head into her hands.

"Alex?" He asked, coming around to sit beside her.

She sighed. None of this would have happened if Bobby hadn't insisted on working today. Katie wouldn't have been on Lewis' icy sidewalk, and Bobby wouldn't have been on the wrong end of a gun.

"I feel like I should lock you in a closet and only let you out when I want," she said.

Angrily, he got to his feet again. "You're still mad," he commented.

Bobby had a way of sending her right to the boiling point. "And why shouldn't I be angry?! You didn't even discuss it with me first!"

"I have to 'discuss' doing my job with you? I'm a cop, Alex. Maybe not as important as you, but I'm a cop. My city, my people, were in danger. You're going to fault me for wanting to protect them?!"

Hot tears slipped from her eyes as she stood to face off with him. "I almost lost the two most important people in my life tonight! I'm not supposed to be angry about that?!"

"You're always angry."

His words scored a hit, and she felt her heart collapsing in on itself. "With you around, who wouldn't be?!" She cried, and angrily took her pillow and left the room.

His first impulse was to leave. He rocked from one foot to the other, poised and ready to bound right out the door, into the bitter cold and not come back until he was good and ready. But Katie was in the next room, with a concussion. And John Eames had warned him about this. The old man had told him not to leave. Bobby heaved himself onto the bed, wincing when his side smacked against the mattress. He grunted his pain, and then he pounded the pillow and flipped over to lie on his stomach, the pillow between his arms and his face.

* * *

A/N Hang in there with me! Will the turmoil never end? (what's the fun in that?) Please send me some reviews!


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

It was after one when Bobby went into Katie's room. He found Alex sleeping in the cot beside her bed, her cell phone beside her, set to go off again at two a.m. He touched his hand to her shoulder and whispered. "Alex. Alex, honey, go to bed. I'll take over."

"I'm in bed," she protested, turning over.

Bobby smiled. He tried again. "Alex, I'll stay with Katie."

Hearing her daughter's name brought her around. Alex sat up and checked on her.

Bobby walked with Alex out into the living room. "How's she doing?" He asked his wife.

"Aside from not liking being woken up every hour, she seems fine. I gave her more ibuprophin at midnight."

"Okay. I got it from here. Go get some sleep." He wasn't sure if she was still upset with him, so he didn't reach out for her.

Alex raised her hand to his face. "Did you sleep?"

He looked at the wall, then down at the floor, then shook his head. "It was hard to relax," he said. "I was worried."

Alex looked into his eyes. He was worried about more than just Katie. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him for a hug.

He gently lifted her left hand so she wasn't pressing her arm against his bruise. Then Bobby kissed the crown of Alex's head. "Go get some sleep," he said again.

* * *

Bobby sat up the rest of the night, reading and watching television. He dutifully cared for his daughter every hour and was satisfied that she was improving.

He heard Alex before he felt her hand against his curly hair.

"How is she?"

"She's irritable, but seems fine."

"Why don't you go back to bed? I'm up for the day, now."

He nodded. Bobby tossed his closed book on the coffee table and headed back to the bedroom. Alex put up the coffee and started heating up water for oatmeal. When she went in to talk to him, he was already sound asleep. She quietly closed the door and went back out to the kitchen.

Alex poured her coffee and sighed. A lot had happened in the past year, and it seemed it was all taking a toll on their marriage. She needed to talk to him. Alex looked at the clock. It was almost 6. Bobby could get two hours of sleep in before she headed off to work. Then maybe he could catnap with Katie during the day. Maybe she could talk with her husband when she got home tonight.

* * *

"How is she?"

"Here, ask her yourself," Bobby said and handed the phone to Katie.

"Hello?" Katie said.

"Hi Katie."

"Hi, Mommy."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm tired, Momma."

"I'm sorry we had to wake you up so many times."

"I didn't like that."

"I know you didn't."

"Daddy said I have to go back to bed after lunch."

"Yes, the doctor said you need to rest."

"He won't even let me read!"

"I know, honey. Maybe Daddy will read to you instead. Did you ask him?"

"No."

"Ask him."

"Daddy will you read to me?"

Alex could hear his voice in the background saying 'sure, honey.'

"He said yes."

Alex smiled. "I told you he would. I love you, sweetie. Let me talk to Daddy."

"Hey," came his deep voice through the phone.

"She sounds good."

"It's hard to keep her in bed, and to keep her from using her brain."

"You're doing great, Bobby," Alex said.

"When you get home, I need to go in. Ross wants to debrief with me, since I missed the big meeting."

"Okay. I love you, Bobby."

"Love you, too," he said.

Alex hung up the phone and stared at it. Maybe he was just tired, but there seemed to be something missing in his voice…

* * *

Alex answered the door and let the Logans in. "Hi," she said cheerfully.

"Is this a bad time?" Carolyn asked. "We just wanted to come by for a quick visit with Katie."

"I think she's still asleep. Let me go check." Alex hurried off to Katie's room while her friends took their winter coats off. She came back a few minutes later, smiling. "She's awake, and she'd love to see you."

"Hey, Sugar," Mike called to her as he entered the room. "How's the noggin'?"

"Okay, Uncle Mike. Hi Andy," she said. Katie was cheerful, but her normal enthusiasm was lacking. She was tired.

"Hi Katie. I made you a card," Andy said, shoving the paper forward into her hands.

The adults in the room hadn't been able to make heads or tails of his pictures, but Katie understood them all immediately. She smiled. "You drew us playing four square at school," she said.

"I know you like school," he replied. "I hope you get better real soon, Katie."

She smiled at her friend.

"Katie will be fine," Carolyn announced. She dropped a kiss on the girl's forehead. "She's going to do exactly what her Mommy & Daddy tell her to, and she'll be up and around in no time."

Katie smiled.

"And we're going to get out of her hair so she can get some rest." Carolyn shooed her little family back into the living room.

"Mike, I… I'm sorry about yesterday," Alex said. "I was just so upset, and—"

"Forget about it," he said. "Where's Bobby?"

"He had to go in to work. With all this, he missed the debriefing."

"Aunt Alex?"

"Yes honey?" She asked the boy, squatting down to his level.

"I didn't mean for Katie to get hurt."

Alex was overcome with a sense of guilt. In her anger, had she made Andy feel responsible? She reached her hands out and took Andy by the shoulders, looking him in the eye. "It wasn't your fault, Andy. Sometimes, accidents happen. I was angry last night because Katie was hurt, but I wasn't angry at you."

"You were mad at Daddy and Lewis."

Alex smiled sadly. "I know it seemed that way, and I said some things I shouldn't have, but I wasn't even mad at them. I just hated to see Katie hurt. It wasn't Daddy or Lewis' fault either." _Or Bobby's,_ she thought. She looked at the little boy in front of her. She gave him a smile. "Can I have a hug?" She asked him, and he eagerly jumped into her arms.

Getting back up, she tousled his hair. "We have to get going," Mike explained, as Carolyn started to help Andy with his coat. "Glad she's doing better."

* * *

"Your vest is compromised," Ross said, the offending article lying on the desk in front of him.

"Yeah, I guess I took one."

"Did you get checked out?"

"Besides by my wife?" Bobby joked. "It's just a bruise, Captain." He lifted his shirt to illustrate his point.

Ross nodded. "You're sure you didn't break anything?"

"No sir." He dropped the shirt back into place.

"How's Katie?"

"She's getting better, Captain."

Ross went over the details of the debriefing with Bobby, and then shook his hand. "Go home and get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, sir."

* * *

"Hi, princess," Bobby said, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Hi Daddy."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yes. Mommy said I don't have to stay in bed all day tomorrow."

"Good. Good night, sweetie. I love you." With a kiss and a hug, he straightened the covers over her and stepped past the cot and out of the room.

Alex was waiting for him. She longed to reach out to him, but she wasn't sure how he would take it.

They stood six feet apart, wondering awkwardly how to approach each other. Bobby rubbed his neck. "She looks good," he said.

"You were right about keeping her in bed," Alex grinned. "Tough job."

Bobby nodded.

"How did it go with Ross?"

Again, a nod. "He had my vest, he wanted to check on me."

"Good. Are you okay?" She asked, taking a tentative step forward.

"Yeah. I told him." He raised his eyes to meet hers, and she came one step closer.

"I'm sorry, Bobby."

He gave her his full attention.

Alex looked down and continued to speak. "I wish I could just stop my tongue when I'm upset. I know it was an accident. It wasn't anyone's fault." She closed the rest of the distance between them. Alex gathered her courage and looked into his eyes. "I know how you felt about working the case, too. I'm sorry."

She leaned slightly, and he pulled her against him, folding his arms around her petit body. "I should have… talked to you about it… just, you know… it shouldn't have been a surprise."

"I think we really need to talk," Alex said.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Andy was tucked in, and Carolyn sat down with Mike in the living room. He put his arm around her and kissed her on the lips.

Carolyn smiled. She was coming back to herself, and she kissed him back.

"How you doing?" Mike asked her. He asked her at least once a day, ever since she lost the baby.

"I'm okay," she said honestly.

"And work?"

"I'm glad I went. I'm looking forward to tomorrow."

He tugged her closer with his arm and kissed her again.

"Mike?"

"Yeah, Babe?"

"Do you think Bobby and Alex are okay?"

"Sure they're okay. They're always okay."

"I don't think they are."

He looked over at her. "Why would you say that?"

"When was the last time we babysat for them? When it wasn't a crisis, I mean?"

He shrugged.

"Exactly. They can't go through all of this and never have time for themselves. They'll fall apart."

"Bobby would never leave Alex."

"No, but she might shove him away."

Mike chewed on this idea and decided she was right. "What are we supposed to do about it?"

"We give them a playdate. Call tomorrow and invite Katie out for Saturday. We'll take the kids to the science museum. They'll like that."

* * *

She led Bobby by the hand to the couch, and they sat down together. Alex had asked for this, so she felt she had to start them off. "Have you thought about just how much has happened in the last year, Bobby?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, sure, I guess. Things have been stormy."

"Bobby, we've been caught up in a cyclone."

He tilted his head at her.

"I got the promotion, you got a new partner, my appendix burst, Katie was sick and had an operation, Dad moving into the nursing home and in and out of the hospital, and now Katie's accident… This is crazy!"

Bobby was accustomed to life throwing him curveballs. He shrugged again. "We've done the best we could with it all."

"I feel like I never see you."

"It is what it has to be," Bobby countered.

"It seems like… like you resent my position…"

"What?! I don't resent it, I'm proud of you for making Captain. You've always belonged there."

"But you get stuck as Mister Mom a lot."

"Your job is more important than mine."

"No. It's not."

Bobby shook his head. "No, it is." He shifted position and let go of her hand. "You're higher on the chain. The NYPD needs you more than it needs me. You keep a whole squad together; I keep myself and my partner together."

She was quiet as she considered his rationale. With a tiny nod, she said, "You resent it."

"No I don't."

"Sometimes you do."

He let out a frustrated groan. "Aw, Alex! Sometimes I wish I had a little while just to… to do what I want. To get lost in a book in the library or to go visit the museum without having to read all the placards or explain everything to someone. Sometimes I wish I could just watch a movie without worrying if it's full of cuss words or gory scenes or God forbid, sex. And speaking of sex…"

"How the hell are we supposed to have more sex, Bobby?"

He shrugged. "That's the problem. We can't."

"You're not thinking… of getting it somewhere else….?"

"No, hell no, Alex! I wouldn't do that. I couldn't. I wouldn't _want_ anyone else." A sudden panic rose up in him. "You're not, are you?"

"Jesus, Bobby, of course not! Like I would have time, even if I wanted to!"

"Y-you've thought about it…"

"Bobby, I've thought about a lot of things. I thought about being Queen of England, winning the lottery. Don't read something into that. Sometimes my imagination is a hell of a lot better than real life."

He was hurt. The idea that she'd had sexual fantasies and not included him wounded him. "Well. I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted."

"Wait a minute, Goren. That's not what I was trying to say."

"Forget it, Eames! You said it yourself the other day. With me around," he paraphrase, "who wouldn't be angry all the time! If you don't want me around, Alex…" Before he could get the words out, a vision of John Eames popped into his head. He shut his mouth and said no more.

"You accuse me of being angry all the time, Bobby, but at least I say something when I'm mad. You just bury it somewhere deep inside and hold a secret grudge. You stomp and snarl and nobody knows why. At least I'm honest about it. At least when I'm mad, you've got a clue!" Alex scraped her hands through her hair and folded her arms as she shook her head. "Maybe it's too late. Maybe we're already so screwed up that we can't—"

"You're giving up? Just like that?"

"Why not? You were ready to leave just a few minutes ago. Maybe you keep saying it because it's what you really want. Don't let me hold you back, Bobby, if you're unhappy here, just go."

He got to his feet and let out a garbled cry in his frustration. "Alex, I love you."

"Well, Bobby, sometimes love just isn't enough. This isn't a movie. Love doesn't fix everything."

Again, he had to wrestle down the urge to leave. Alex could see that he was poised and ready; any other time, he would have been gone already. She needled him again. "I can't keep doing this, Bobby. I can't keep pretending we're fine when we're not. If you can't work through this with me, then you're welcome to go. I'm not stopping you." With that, she rose to her feet and walked toward the bedroom. As she passed him, she paused. "I love you, too, for what it's worth."

As he listened to the bedroom door latch into place, he trembled. _Damn you, John Eames!_ he thought, though he knew the old man was right. Alex was at the end of her rope, and her only solution was to break the fingers of the man holding it. For her, falling hard was better than hanging on by a thread.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Bobby paced the room vigorously, hashing out everything they had spoken of. He knew he wasn't supposed to leave her, but then what the hell _was_ he supposed to do?

He stopped in the kitchen and found Alex's half-empty bottle of bourbon. His scotch was long gone, and he considered finishing off her whiskey, but that was just another way of running, wasn't it?

He checked on Katie, hoping for a distraction, but she was sleeping soundly. Bobby was careful to close the door quietly when he left her room. Finally, he spent five full minutes staring at his closed bedroom door.

His feet were like lead, but he forced himself down the hall. He opened the door and went inside. She was lying on her side, and when she saw him she tried to hide the fact that she'd been crying.

"Who's running away, Alex? Me? or you?"

She sat up, red eyed, but full of fight. "This is your solution? To come in here and yell at me?"

"I don't know what the solution is, Alex! I thought… I thought we had what it takes."

"Past tense," she noted.

"Well didn't you?"

"Then? Sure. Now?" she shrugged.

"What exactly does it take?" Bobby asked her, throwing up his hands in desperation. "I don't want to lose you, Alex. I love you. I can't make it perfect all the time, but Goddammit, I love you!"

Her tears started again. "I don't want to lose you, either, Bobby!" Her voice was weaker, and he stepped forward, stopping at the edge of the mattress.

"So what are we fighting about?"

"I… I just… can't… take…anymore!"

He crawled onto the bed with her, his face only inches from hers. "Take what?"

"The… the not knowing! The struggles, the crises, the worry!"

He reached out and wiped her tears with the palm of his hand. "Life is not knowing," he said. Bobby hated to see her cry. Maybe that was why they ignored everything for so long. Maybe neither one of them could stand to see Alex break down.

She sobbed so hard he could hear her ragged breathing in between and she fell into his arms. Bobby held her, his hands smoothing up and down her back, his lips pressing into her hair.

After a time, her sobs quieted. Her hands began to move against him. He felt her calm against his chest. Bobby kissed her head, and she pulled away. She laughed at herself, and the pitiful state she was in. "I need a tissue," she said, climbing out of the bed and retrieving one from the box on the dresser. She blew her nose and wiped her eyes and tossed the spent Kleenex in the trash.

Bobby simply held out his hand, and she climbed back into the bed with him. He kissed her mouth, rolling his tongue against hers and holding his hands against her face. "I love you, Alexandra Eames Goren," he said. "That's one thing you know, that you can always know."

Tears fell from her eyes again. "God, I love you, too, Bobby. I love you so much." This time, she kissed him. It was a kiss as long and deep as their love for each other would be.

Her fingers found the buttons on his shirt, and worked them free. Bobby tore the shirt off his arms and threw it across the room. He rose to his knees, his hands searching for any route under her clothing. He pushed her blouse up with his left and dipped his thumb down to skate over her belly button.

Alex wiggled out of her shirt and tossed it aside. He kissed her neck, and then the hollow at each collarbone. Bobby's fingers teased her nipples around the barrier of fabric protecting them and he kissed her chest, right over her heart.

Alex's hands explored his hairy chest, sliding up into the curls and then smoothing them back down. He deftly unfastened the clasp of her bra, and in seconds, it was with the other clothing on the floor. Bobby paused long enough to lave each nipple, leaving each with a luscious kiss before moving on to bury his lips against her arched neck. With determination, his hand forced down the waist of her slacks, taking her underwear with them.

Alex moved with him, and soon she was naked before him. She unclasped his slacks and pulled his zipper down. He gasped when her hand brushed against his barely constrained cock. She worked at his waist, and Bobby slid his pants down over his hips. She pulled them all the way off his legs.

Hands roamed freely over naked flesh, and the two gasped and moaned with pleasure. She started on top, but he soon turned them over and she clung to his back, trying to hold him close as he moved, so her every sense, sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch were registering her husband in her overwhelmed brain.

He stayed close to her as long as he could stand it, but finally raised up on the palms of his hands and frantically pushed against her, until something snapped. Raw, pure emotion flooded through him, and with his eyes closed, he bent down, knowing her lips would find his.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Curled up against him, in the peace and comfort only he could give, Alex tried to still her weary mind. She was still worried; all they'd managed to do was establish that they love each other. They hadn't really addressed any of the problems. The fact that he constantly hid himself away from her…

Then it dawned on her: he hadn't left. Twice now, Bobby hadn't left.

* * *

By the second week in January, the kids were back in school and all of the adults had returned full time to work. Alex was beginning to settle in more in her position. She had been there long enough to start to assert herself with the brass when necessary. Unfortunately, with Moran, she found it was often necessary. The guy was a politician in a cop's disguise, and he really got under her skin.

She was proud when she heard Ross report on the workings of Major Case. Though they didn't often name names, she knew Bobby had a hand in a good number of their successes. When names did pop up, Ross always made it a point to compliment Bobby's work.

Bobby was actually starting to like Battista. He had learned a lot since he started at Major Case, and Bobby was starting to really feel he could count on him for more than just brawn.

Carolyn was back in her stride at work. She always ran the tightest ship in town. Her CSU teams were on the ball, and her lab was top notch. She almost always managed to make it home at a decent hour, too, which paid off in lots of fun times with Andy.

Mike enjoyed PI work. Even if he spent most of his time staking out two-timers, he felt he was doing his clients a valuable service, and he liked it. Business was booming, and he was seriously considering hiring someone on to help.

Today, Mike & Carolyn had volunteered to take the kids to one of the museums in town. When Alex suggested they go with them, Carolyn had adamantly shot her down, saying she and Bobby hadn't had a date in ages.

Alex smiled about that. It was good to have friends who noticed these things. "Well, you let me know when you and Mike are ready, and we'll return the favor," she said. With Carolyn's promise, Alex hung up.

"Who was that?" Bobby asked, coming into the kitchen for a fresh cup of coffee.

"Carolyn. They're going to pick up Katie at 11:00. You and I have a date."

Half of his mouth turned up in a grin. "A date?"

"Yeah," she said, slipping her hands around his back.

"What will we do?" he asked, though his mind was already thinking of something.

"That, too," she said, reading his mind. "But I was thinking maybe we could go out for lunch? We haven't gone out in a long time."

Bobby kissed her and stared into her eyes. "And there will still be time for that?" He asked.

"Count on it," Alex said.

They were still kissing when Katie wandered in. She took no notice that her parents were affectionate with one another. "Monkey says he's tired of winter," she announced, flipping her stuffed monkey around in her arms as if he was doing acrobatics.

"Tell Monkey, he's not the only one," Alex said, pulling away from Bobby.

* * *

"One phone call," Alex explained. "I just want to make sure they're okay."

Bobby raised his hands up in defeat. He knew they were fine, but if a phone call would keep Alex happy and at ease, he wasn't going to argue.

"Hi, Mike? How's it going?"

"Fine, how's it going with you two?"

"Fine. We… uhm… wanted to do one more thing. Can you keep her a little longer?"

"One more thing, eh? Sure, Alex. We'll keep her."

"Thanks, Mike. We'll call you… uhm… when we're through."

"Take your time, sweetheart."

"He knows," Bobby said, as Alex tucked her phone away in her purse.

"Of course he knows," Alex said. "Wasn't that the whole point of this?"

Bobby grinned. "It was for me," he said happily. He helped her get her coat on and once he was suited up, he followed her out the door.

* * *

Bobby was hunched down at the dining table, helping Katie finish her homework. The girl knew what to do, but sometimes she just wanted him to sit beside her and cheer her on. As she wrote her story, he sat down beside her, reminding her to use capital letters and periods and spelling a few words for her. His phone rang, and he raised up to answer it.

"Johnny?"

"Bobby, it's Dad. He's in the hospital again. I tried to call Alex, but I couldn't get through." He gave his brother in law the information and continued, "It's pneumonia again. The nursing home called me and I told them to call an ambulance."

"You did the right thing, Johnny. I'll, uh," he glanced over at his daughter. "I'll get Alex, and we'll be out as soon as we can."

He hung up and found Katie staring wide-eyed at him. "Grampa's sick again, isn't he?"

"Yes, baby. I have to call Mommy." He put his hand on her head and used the other to dial the phone.

"I need to speak to Captain Eames," Bobby said. "It's an emergency." Within a few minutes, Alex was on the line.

"Hello?"

"Alex, it's your Dad. He's in the hospital."

"Okay, Bobby, tell me where and I'll get over there."

* * *

He dropped off Katie with the Logans and met his wife at the hospital. The old man was barely visible under all the blankets and the oxygen mask. Alex was unusually quiet, but she let Bobby slip his hand down to the small of her back.

Her brother and sister were in and out of the room, trying to get Alex to talk, and comforting each other. After a while, Bobby went out with them.

"She won't accept it," Johnny said.

"She's still hoping… he'll pull through," Bobby said quietly.

Liz held to her brother's hand. "The doctors and nurses all say that's a slim chance." She turned to look at Johnny. "I can't stand to see him like this!" She said, and tears fell as she leaned into her brother's embrace.

"I hate it too, Liz. And so does Alex."

Bobby turned and looked into the room. He saw John Eames, now weakened and pitiful. Alex had scooted forward and was holding his bony hand. Bobby walked into the room and put his hand on her back.

* * *

A week later, Bobby was cooking dinner for Katie when Alex called. "Yeah? Alex, that's great!" He listened to her news and ended the call on a happy note. "Katie, honey!"

She came scampering into the room.

"Grampa's out of the hospital. Mommy's going to stay until he gets settled back in at the home tonight, and then she'll come home."

"I'm glad Grampa's okay," Katie said with a smile.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"I don't want to talk about this," Alex announced, folding her arms over her chest.

"None of us do, Alex, but it has to be done." Liz was the leader of this family meeting, and she was determined that they should all review their father's papers and get everything in order.

"You're acting like you want him gone," Alex snapped.

Liz frowned, and Johnny stepped in. "Alex, that's not fair. You know Dad's been going downhill for a long time now."

"Of course I do. I just don't see why we have to be so gung-ho to plan his funeral."

Liz slammed her papers down and turned away. Johnny took a deep breath. "Alex…"

"You two want to bury him before he's even gone. Fine, then, go ahead. I'll have no part in it." Angrily, she turned and left. Liz turned pleading eyes to her brother, who simply shrugged.

* * *

Bobby was waiting for her when she got home. "Katie, go to your room, please," he said quietly. Katie noted the looks on her parents' faces and did as her father said.

"You walked out on them?" Bobby asked.

"Oh. Which one called you? The Banshee or the Grim Reaper?"

He cocked his head, considering how to approach her. "Alex, when my Mom got cancer…"

"He doesn't have cancer, Bobby. He's old. Old people get sick and they get well and they live a long, long time."

Bobby frowned. He rose to his feet and pulled out a chair for her. "Here. Sit down," he said softly. He dropped his hands onto her shoulders and gently massaged them.

After a few seconds, she finally allowed herself to relax under his touch. "That feels good, Bobby."

He kissed her head, and continued rubbing her neck and shoulders. "You're very tense," he said.

"Well, who wouldn't be?" She snapped.

"Shhh…" He stopped talking, letting his fingers do the work. He felt her relax again, and he finally squatted down beside her, keeping the palm of his hand against her back to soothe her. "Being prepared isn't a bad thing, Alex."

Her eyes jerked over to his.

"You—you don't want to admit that he might die," Bobby said, and the word hung between them.

"He's my Daddy, Bobby!" her whisper was hoarse, and her eyes filled with tears.

"I know," he said, and he leaned in and held her.

"It's like… if I do this, then I'm saying it's okay… and it's not okay! I don't want to lose him, Bobby!"

He soothed her then, with kisses and soft words of understanding. "I know how you feel," he said. "Alex, can I tell you something?"

She pulled away far enough to look at his gentle face. "Of course you can, Bobby."

"My mom… you know I loved her."

"Of course."

Bobby nodded. "You were with me then, Alex. You saw… you knew…"

"It was so hard on you, Bobby."

"When she died, I… It was like I was frozen or something. I couldn't move. I couldn't think."

"I remember when I found you that night… in her empty room, with just those boxes of things…"

A tear slipped down Bobby's cheek. "It was all ready, Alex. Everything. I didn't have to try to… to figure it out. I couldn't have… after."

Alex broke into tears. "I know, and I know it makes sense, but I just think we should… wait… until it's closer. Until we really know…"

Bobby shook his head slowly. "You'll never find that time, Alex. You'll either keep telling yourself he has a long time yet, or he'll die suddenly and you won't be ready."

She sat in silence, pondering his words. At once, she decided it was more than she could handle. She pushed herself away from the table and got to her feet. "I… I need to be with Katie for a while." She walked off in the direction of her daughter's room. Bobby got to his feet, grabbed a tea towel off the counter and threw it across the room. He locked his hands behind his head and pressed his elbows together.

* * *

Alex went to bed, and Bobby stayed up. There was nothing unusual about that. What made the night unusual was that Bobby, instead of studying profiles for a case he was working, had a different set of evidence in front of him. A photo album lay open on the table, and the spirits captured in the pictures were of Alex's family…_his_ family.

Bobby drew in a breath when he saw a photo of John Eames holding Katie. She was only a few days old, and he beamed with pride. Goren's hand ran through his hair and he wondered at how much the man had changed in only seven years.

They'd posed for a family picture at the next gathering: John Eames sat front and center, surrounded by his grandchildren and flanked by his children and their spouses. Alex was directly behind her Dad, and Bobby directly behind her. They were happy. All of them.

Turning the page, he saw his father in law with a very young Katie on his lap. She was still in diapers, and had a broad smile on her face. John Eames was making faces at her, and she was laughing at him. On another page, there was a snapshot of John & Bobby, beers in one hand and the other hands holding up strings of fish they'd caught in the lake that summer.

Bobby sat back, remembering. It was a summer holiday, and they'd rented two cabins. Bobby's family had shared their cabin with John, and Melissa and Johnny had the other with all their kids. The boys had spent a lot of the time fishing, leaving the ladies to play with the baby in the shade of the trees. Johnny had stayed back one day with his kids, and Bobby & John had gone out fishing alone. It was one of the best times of his life.

Leaving the book open on the table, he sucked down the rest of the whiskey he'd poured for himself. Then Bobby joined his wife in the bedroom.

Filled with an immense sadness, he lay staring at the ceiling. John Eames, the only man in his life who deserved to be called "Dad," was going to die.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

She tried to cooperate with her siblings, she really did. Inevitably, every business meeting between the three ended badly, with Alex spouting off some snarky comment that threw her sister into either tears or a rage and left her brother trying to patch up the rift. It was exhausting.

John, for his part, was hanging on. He was back in the nursing home, but he was sleeping more and less alert when he was awake. When he spoke, he told stories about his wife, and stories from his days on the force. He smiled when Katie was around, but not with the enthusiasm he had before.

Bobby and Alex brought Katie to visit him nearly every weekend. Bobby was also seeing him every Tuesday night that he could break away from work. Bobby entertained him with the lighter points of squad life: breakroom gossip, locker room pranks. Most of the time, Goren made sure the old man had a decent shave and rearranged his knick-knacks so he could enjoy them fully. Now and then, Mr. Eames would give him a quiet gem of wisdom.

* * *

"You went to see Dad, didn't you?" she asked him as he pulled away from her embrace.

He nodded and looked around nervously. "Y-yeah. How-?"

"You smell like the room."

"Oh." Bobby undressed and piled into bed beside her, giving her a chaste kiss. "I like to go see him," Bobby said. "I want to spend some time with him before…"

Alex patted his chest. "You're a good man," she said quietly, and turned over. "How was he?" She asked as her husband moved closer to spoon against her in the bed.

"It… it wasn't a good night."

Alex clasped his hand and gave it a squeeze.

Bobby continued, "he just didn't really wake up for me tonight. I gave him a shave, you know, but he didn't wake up." He felt her draw in a deep breath. "Alex," he said softly, "I know how hard it is for you… but I think you should spend more time with him." She stiffened at his words, and he regretted saying them.

"I can't, Bobby. I see him every weekend. I barely see you and Katie, how am I supposed to make more time for Dad?"

"I just don't want you to regret it later," Bobby said, and he frowned when she wriggled away from him to the other side of the bed.

"I appreciate your concern," she said coldly.

"Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ, Alex!" He exclaimed. "I'm your husband, if anybody can talk to you about this, it should be me!"

"You did talk to me about it. And we're done."

"No, we're not anywhere near done. Look, I know how much this hurts, Alex, but you're hiding from it. You're making every excuse you can to avoid it, to avoid _him_, because it hurts. And mark my words, you will regret it."

"Are you done now? I don't need you or anybody else telling me how I feel. I know how I feel, Bobby. And believe it or not, I know Dad's going to die. And I know there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"So why don't you go see him, then?"

"I see him every weekend!"

"You know what I mean. Rearrange your life, Alex. Make the time."

"And next thing you know, I'll have you whining about needing more time to yourself again."

She struck a nerve, and he got out of bed. Bobby clamped his mouth shut and forced himself not to take a step. Instead, he rocked from one foot to the other and back again. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath.

She wrestled with the covers and buried her head under them.

Suddenly something John Eames had told him slipped into his head. "You're married now, and you love each other more deeply than you knew you could. Just remember you have the power to hurt each other that deeply, too." Goren kept his mouth shut. He took a step forward, reached out, and drew the covers back. He got back in between the sheets and laid there stiffly, wondering if this was the right thing to do.

She crawled out of her cocoon and sat up to look at him. "Fuck!" She growled, took her pillow, and left the room.

Bobby groaned and buried his face in his own pillow.

* * *

Alex Eames was unaccustomed to sleeping on the couch. She woke up 10 minutes earlier than usual, stiff and sore in places she'd forgotten about. She was in pain, both emotional and physical. She forced herself to her feet and marched to her bedroom to shower and change.

He had no blankets over him; they were twisted and tangled and half lying on the floor. He was curled into a ball, the smallest a big man like that could make himself, and she might have laughed at the sight on any other day. Today, though, she was surprised when she felt a pang of fear. She hadn't chased him away. He was still here, waiting, with his arguments and his point of view.

And the sad thing was… he was right. She'd known he was right as soon as he'd said anything; before he'd said anything. She was avoiding it all as much as possible. She didn't want her Dad to die, didn't want to see him wither away to nothing. She didn't want to plan for life without him. Yet she knew there would be life without him.

Alex walked past her husband and got into the shower, where the tears would mix with the water running down her face and no one would know.

* * *

"Hi, Dad," Alex said quietly, summoning up a smile for him.

"Alex," he said hoarsely. His cough had been getting worse again.

"I wanted to come by and see you," she said sweetly.

"Bobby comes on Tuesday."

"I know. He likes to have his 'man time' with you."

The old man coughed and tried to get comfortable. "Katie just had valentine's day with her class," Alex said. "I've never seen so much candy in my life. How did you and Mom manage that with us?"

He smiled, and coughed. "I took a jar of candy to work. I was the most popular cop in the precinct until it was gone."

"You stole my valentine's candy?"

"Did you ever miss it?"

"Well, sometimes I wondered where my favorite went, but I always assumed Johnny ate it…" She laughed at the memory, and he gave her a smile. He coughed again, and soon fell asleep.

Alex leaned down and kissed his cheek.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

They hadn't spoken of it anymore, but Alex was seeing him almost every day now, and Bobby was glad for it. On Tuesdays, Alex stayed home with Katie and Bobby had his time with his father-in-law. On the days when work got in the way, Katie spent time with Andy Logan.

The planning was finally done, and Alex was mending things with her sister, as well. As much as she hated to be told what to do, Alex also hated to admit when she'd been wrong. Fortunately, her family never expected her to. They just accepted her back without reproach and soon they were able to laugh again.

Bobby put Katie to bed and poured himself a drink. The hand with the glass rested against the arm of the couch and he turned the sound down low and clicked through the channels, settling for a documentary on the civil war.

It was close to ten when Alex came in, and after she hung up her coat, she sat beside him on the couch, turning his head for a gentle kiss. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hi," he said softly. "You're home late," he observed.

"I had to go back to work after I visited Dad. I've got more paperwork than I know what to do with. It multiplies exponentially."

Bobby gave her a tiny smile, and put his arm around her. She nestled against him, glad for the warmth of him after being out in the cold rain.

"How's Katie?"

"She played scrabble with me, a whole game."

"A whole game?" Alex was impressed. Usually Katie only stuck with it for a few turns before she got frustrated and went to play something else. "Who won?" She asked him with a teasing smile.

He grinned. It had been a while since Alex had teased him. Spontaneously, he tucked his hand behind her neck and kissed her.

Bobby's mouth had the spicy flavor of whiskey. Drawn in by his warmth and affection, she returned the kiss. The glass almost toppled from his hand, and he turned away to set it gently on the table. Then she settled against him, probing his mouth with a fierce desire.

Bobby wrapped his arms tightly around her, feeling her weight against his hips and stretching himself against her. He guided her to her feet and whisked her off to bed.

He began by kissing his way down her body, his hands roaming freely, pausing to clasp hers affectionately. Alex reached for him, caressing his bare skin and reaching out to find only his searching fingers or the soft curls on his head. He lowered his head, raising her legs over his shoulders, and tasted her in her most sacred place.

Alex shuddered with pleasure. She opened herself to him, and reveled in the sensations of lips and tongue slipping gently over, around, and inside. He sucked lightly and she jerked against him, her thighs for a moment against his cheeks.

"Oh, God, Bobby!" She whispered, and he did it again. "I want you," she insisted, repeating the words until he climbed over her and silenced her with his warm mouth against hers.

In the midst of the kiss, he was inside her. She broke away, gasping for air, clutching him so hard her nails dug into his skin. He moved slowly, slipping easily in and out of her wetness. Bobby's lips touched against hers, dipped to kiss her jaw, and her neck.

The momentum built up, and she bucked against him as he thrust deeper and faster until they both were so lost in the moment they climaxed together.

He fell against her, whimpering, and she gathered him into her arms and hugged him with all her might. Alex was grateful that in all this uncertainty, she had his strength to anchor to.

Bobby, for once, was without words. He expressed his emotions physically, touching, kissing, squeezing, until the sweat and the need for the blood to flow forced them to separate. "Good night, Alex," he whispered, once they were settled in for the night.

"Night, Bobby," she said lazily, and he was pleased to note, with joy.

* * *

This time, care was provided in-house. His doctor had expected it, and a treatment plan was put in place. John was very sick, but he would be surrounded by the comforts of his home- photos and drawings and memories of the love of his family.

It was mid-march, and Alex took leave from work to be with her father. Katie was a week away from spring break, but Bobby had informed her teacher, and the Logans were ever-ready and willing to lend a hand. Tonight, though, Bobby brought Katie with him to the home.

The other grandkids were there, too. Bobby left Katie with her cousins and went into the old man's room. They were all there, Alex, Liz, Johnny, Terry, Mel, and now Bobby. Alex went to Bobby and took him by the hand, leading him to her father's bedside.

"Dad, Bobby's here."

He didn't open his eyes, but Bobby picked up the man's hand and gave his fingers a gentle squeeze. "Hi, Dad," he said, and his voice faltered. He felt Alex's hand on his back as she leaned against his side. Johnny and Liz had a short sidebar in the doorway, and soon Johnny was out of the room.

* * *

"Ben, kids, I need to talk to you." All of the Eames grandkids gathered around John Jr. "Grampa is… he's not going to be with us much longer, and I want you all to go in and… and say goodbye."

Ben, the oldest in the group, put his arm around his father's shoulders. He took the lead, calling his siblings and his cousins by name, and then scooping Katie up into his arms. Ben led the sad procession to Grampa's room.

Their elders stepped back out of the way, and one by one the grankids gave John kisses and told him goodbye. Ben held Katie over him as she gave him a final kiss. "Heaven will be nice, Grampa," she said. "Gramma's there waiting for you. I love you. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine," she said. "Bye-Bye, Grampa."

Ben set her on the floor and she went out to find her Daddy. Bobby picked her up and she squeezed him in a bear hug. Ben was the last to leave the room, after Nate. He took Katie from Bobby, nodding, knowing they were going back in.

Liz cried and spoke to him quietly, and Terry took her in his arms and they moved aside to make room for Johnny. Mel held Johnny's hand as he spoke to his father, and she finished his sentences when he was unable to. Finally, Johnny said, "It's okay, Dad. It's okay to go. We'll take care of each other."

Alex was already crying when it was her turn. With Bobby's arm around her waist, she kissed her Dad. "It's okay, Dad. You can go. You did a good job, here. We love you."

"We love you, Dad," Bobby added.

John Eames died peacefully, surrounded by his children.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

The day of the funeral was cool, but clear. Katie wore a pink dress with a white sweater to ward off the cool breeze. Her Daddy told her she looked like a flower, and that made her happy. Bobby and Alex were in their dress blues, as were many in attendance.

Bobby, Johnny, Ben, Calvin, Nate, and Terry were the pall bearers. They carried the casket somberly through the church and out into the waiting hearse. Alex held Katie's hand as she and the rest of her family exited the church.

The SUV was second in line, and Bobby was driving. He held the doors open for his girls, and made sure Katie was buckled in the back seat. As he drove, he held Alex's hand.

They marched the casket to the gravesite and went to stand with their family members. Bobby heard the final prayers, but what he would always remember about that day was Alex's hand in his, and Katie's head resting on his shoulder. Her Grampa's service medal was fastened to her little sweater, and she wore it proudly.

He wondered just how fully she understood what had happened. As the little girl looked around and saw everyone she loved red-eyed or crying, she broke down, too. That was why he was holding her. He couldn't stand to see his baby cry. They stood and watched as each person passed by the grave, tossing in a handful of dirt or a flower. At last, it was nothing but family. Bobby stood frozen, his daughter in his arms and his wife leaning against him, and they cried together.

* * *

The wake was at Liz's house. The kids had gathered in the back yard and started a mismatched football game. The adults, half clad in suits and uniforms, were scattered in chairs around the living room, drinking and telling stories. Mike sat by his old friends, leaving Carolyn to supervise Andy's involvement in the football game for a while.

Lewis was there, too, with his own take on the impact Mr. Eames had had on his good friend Bobby. Freddie Battista was drifting in and out of the group, trying to support his partner but completely uncomfortable at the same time.

Johnny walked through, passing out a handout to everyone in the house.

Alex looked down and read the title. "What's this?" She asked.

Her brother smiled. "You know Dad always had a thing for Emmylou." He nodded to his wife, who put the song on the stereo for the room to listen and sing along.

_Troubles and trials often betray those_

_On in the weary body to stray_

_But we shall walk beside the still waters_

_With the good shepherd leading the way_

_Going up home to live in green pastures_

_Where we shall live and die nevermore_

_Even the Lord will be in that number_

_When we shall reach that heavenly shore_

* * *

Bobby, Mike, and Lewis were out on the boat on a mission to bring in enough fish to feed the entire group dinner.

"You think they can do it?"

"I think it would be a miracle," Alex told Carolyn. She pulled a small cooler out of the back of the SUV. "That's why I brought this." Opening the cooler, she exposed a stash of frozen hamburgers and hot dogs.

Carolyn laughed. "I'm with you. I'd rather eat a hamburger than a lake fish any day." The children began to shout excitedly, and the women watched while they ran toward them, carrying a cardboard box between them.

"Mommy, look!" Andy shouted.

Carolyn looked into the box with dread, expecting a snake or a spider or something equally dangerous. Instead, she saw a box turtle. It was about 4 inches long, and was holed up in its shell, waiting for the world to stop spinning before it tried to come out.

"It was just walking in the grass by that tree!" Andy shouted.

"Can we keep it?" Katie asked.

The two women looked at each other. "For now, we'll keep it. Maybe your Daddy will let us take it home," Alex said.

"And if your Daddy says, no, maybe my Daddy will say yes!"

Carolyn giggled and looked at Alex. "Or maybe if Mike says no, Lewis will take it home!"

* * *

The kids were asleep and the campfire was dying down. The Gorens, the Logans, and Lewis were all gathered at the edge of the lake with cups in their hands. Bobby opened the bottle and poured them all a generous portion.

"Here's to you, Dad," Bobby said, raising his cup in the air. The others joined him, mumbling their toasts to John Eames. They all swallowed the alcohol down and Bobby refilled their glasses. He hooked one arm around Alex and she was happy to curl against him, sipping the next shot of whiskey.

Carolyn was watching the water lap against the shore, and Mike was watching her. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. She turned to him and smiled. With a smile of his own, he kissed her lips.

"This is a nice place," Lewis announced, drinking in the serenity of the lake and the sound of crickets coming from somewhere in the darkened forest.

They all drank in agreement and simply enjoyed the moment.

THE END

* * *

A/N Thank you for reading. I know this one was pretty heavy on the angst, but I know a lot of people go through times like these. The song "Green Pastures" is a gospel hymn, one of Emmylou Harris' favorites. My favorite recording of it is from the soundtrack to "Down from the Mountain." Reviews are always welcome!


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